Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
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Top comments
n_london 0
this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?
kingbob337 0
ouch ouch ouch
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Comments (155)
kdaddy 0
first
kdaddy 0
i think you should shut the **** up. i didnt ask if anyone cared if i was first. i care that i was first and you probably would have done the same thing if you were first ********.
bitchwithabrain 0
ouchhh. this is most definitely a fyl
superpanda24 0
LOL fyl for being so clumsy
screwtaylor 0
I think #17 is jealous because she wasn't first to comment.
screwtaylor 0
I think #52 thinks I'm bitchy because he has a 2 inch penis.
Conkers 0
I think #55 is uber cool.
screwtaylor 0
Totally.
Conkers 0
I so agree.
XxHannahxX 0
I think that screwtaylor is a **** that needs to go work the poles and get off this website...and that 55 was very clever with what he said haha. :]
screwtaylor 0
I'm glad that you're getting all hardcore with the keyboard #67. I love how you think I'm a **** when you don't know me. You've only seen the comments I've written. Just to let you know, I'm a virgin. Go look up what a **** is in the dictionary, idiot. Also, at least I have the guts to post a picture of myself up. What are you? 12?
Arrrw 0
Just because you put a picture of yourself up on the internet doesn't make you tough. There are lots of strippers and prostitutes that put their pictures up on the internet too.
screwtaylor 0
I never tried to make it seem like I was tough for having my picture up. Also that's very good for the strippers that have their pictures up. Did you know normal people put their pictures up? No.. only strippers who want to **** everybody put their picture up? You guys are seriously so annoying.. What the **** did I do to get bashed? If you don't like my comments DON'T ******* READ THEM. It's as simple as that.
Luky_fml 0
wow, screwtaylor, im prettymuch on your side, but cmon now, you got trolled HARDCORE. why do you care what people say to you on the internet? like you said if you dont like their comments DONT READ THEM
Pointy130 0
I think screwtaylor won this argument.
Luky_fml 0
maybe, how can you tell? well congratulations what are you gonna do now that youve won?
Luky_fml 0
eman... weak
cookiexcookie 0
umm just wondering...what is it about saying first pisses ppl off? I mean what's the harm in it? personally if I ever got a first comment I would love to say first, not to piss ppl off but because I just want to. mabie the person writing first isn't doing so to rub it in (even though there really isn't anything to rub in), but they are doing so because...I don't knk they think it's fun. in other words, people should give those who say first a break
redbluegreen 41
It's because posting 'first' is a waste of everyone's time, and just takes up space. It means the person posting wasn't clever enough to come up with an actual response to add to the conversation, but wanted to get noted anyway. Everyone knows you're first REGARDLESS if they say so or not. And no, I doubt that everyone who tumbs down or complains is doing so because they're jealous. I've been first on at least 30 FMLs, and, personally, I'd rather say something witty then say a freaking number. If you'd rather get noticed for wasting time then saying something intelligent or funny, go ahead. But don't be surprised when others don't like it.
iandevaan 0
dude no way i was messaging her earlier she is such a hobag
ClumsyJason 3
its a guy...
cookiexcookie 0
I get where your comming from, but I think that anyone can say what they want, even of it is a number, and people who don't like it can state that they don't but mabie in a nicer way you know? now u see if it were me who got the first comment, I would also say something regaurding the matter at hand rather than just first. I know people get annoyed because it's irrelevent to the FML but if they let it go instead of having mean remarks, an entire scene can be avoided no? (that is unless they want a bunch of drama)
oaklandfanatic 0
Hey screwtaylor, you're a dunce, and you're hurting the chance for enlightenment Oaklandfanatic thinks you're an idiotic teenager who doesn't have an ounce of intelligent in her to realize she is an insufferable child.
100lol 0
LMAO @ #55 AND THE LINES OF REPLIES.
xXmoses_rocksXx 0
You are my new idol. You are just so blunt and straightforward! And your witty comments are awesome. :)
giganticbrain 0
Hey, everybody. Look at me, I'm screwtaylor. OMG!!! U DONT KNOW ME!!! *** U!@!! U DONT KNOW MEE!!! DONT REPLY TO MY OBVIOUSLY UNNECESSARY COMMMENTS!!!!! WHY DOES EVERYBODY HATE ME?!! WHINNNNEE!!! WHINEE!!! COMPLIAN!@!!! AHGFH!!!JASOIHUI!H!!!
PeaceeLoveeLol 0
Ownagge:) nice.
kingbob337 0
ouch ouch ouch
DoomJeff91 2
Doesn't look like he had a... [looks at camera] grate day.
glennabobenna 0
epic pun my friend
DoomJeff91 2
What pun? I'm just really bad at spelling.
carlos177567 0
LOL
mark_my_words 0
Wow. Thats some bad luck
no1askdu 5
Wow. Thats some bad luck
jem1991 0
Wow. Thats some bad luck
ChibiGirl5 0
Wow. that's some bad luck
YtotsDI 0
Wow that sucks. Whoops messed the thread!
LauraTheresa 0
omg that stinks! hahahah poor wife
RAMBabyyy 0
Lmao. Ewwwww. That sucks. xp
Forremmy 0
owwiee
urmomsass 0
YDI for being too cheap to buy real cheese
tyhillman 0
Yeah you have to grate good cheese. I'm pretty sure you are thinking of cheap cheese, which though it is real cheese can often be confused with synthetic cheese which would be fake cheese.
TysonFawlay 0
Sometimes you want to grate cheese for use in things where grated cheese just works better.
Lounia_fml 8
like PIZZA (:!!!
thesunshotme 0
You amuse me.
wtfyouresocute 0
LMFAO sucks to be you !!
n_london 0
this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?
mikepzz 27
Accidental finger clicks on the mobile app :(
danimal_crackerz 26
I accidentally vote YDI sometimes because I use mobile and miss click. My best assumption for people voting this was the OP should have been more careful where their thumb was so the chain of events never happened.
wtfyouresocute 0
hey but the bright side is you didn't grate your finger !
lhazz11 23
... Yes he did