Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents met my boyfriend's parents for the first time… while they were bailing us out of jail. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, and things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommate's fingernail clippings all over the place. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML
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Top comments
Sinshine 28
This reads like OP's parents let themselves into their apartment/house with a spare key. You don't "visit" someone in a bedroom.
alycion 39
Not uncommon for parents to have keys. I told mine to let themselves in, though if I’m home, they can’t. My screen porch stays locked when I’m home because my psycho dog opens doors for freedom runs.
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Comments (10)
shannon2348 14
Oh for gods sake. Does no one ever lock their damn doors? ydi
Sinshine 28
This reads like OP's parents let themselves into their apartment/house with a spare key. You don't "visit" someone in a bedroom.
Kurliez408 32
they weren't in the bedroom. OP wrote couch.
alycion 39
Not uncommon for parents to have keys. I told mine to let themselves in, though if I’m home, they can’t. My screen porch stays locked when I’m home because my psycho dog opens doors for freedom runs.
Sinshine 28
There can be sofas in bedrooms when it's a kid's room but you're basically agreeing with my point here. "Lock your door" isn't a response to someone entering a building or apartment with a key and the wording of the FML doesn't suggest it's just parents barging into their child's room.
loopsy_fml 14
OP said they were on the couch. It's possible their parents could see them through a window?
RichardPencil 32
Maybe your dad can go ********** on your bed and your mom can clean your toilet with your toothbrush.
loopsy_fml 14
I don't think your parents will ever visit without warning again