Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML
Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML
Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML
Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML
Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Thabb 0
Ehhh, your hand isn't THAT bad.
ADayToPierceTheV 0
sounds reasonable
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (442)
Taq_fml 0
Well, you sound like an asshole, so I don't blame her...
lizzie1441 0
it's safe 2 have sex when ur preg. u just have 2 b careful after a certain point. when the baby hasn't even developed anything. there isn't much harm a dick could do
milly_11 4
If its still early in the pregnancy it can happen. But it had to ve within days length. After a couple of weeks ure in the safe zone, but maybe she just doesnt want to sleep with u.
fknrad 0
your wife has balls?
Cynical_in_SK 6
Can we say threesome? In order for that to happen she would have had to bang two different guys within 24 hours.
Cynical_in_SK 6
Oops...that was meant to be a comment on another comment.
Cynical_in_SK 6
Why don't you just tell her that you want twins? Even if it is possible it's like a one in a million chance. The scary thing is that someone that clueless is actually procreating.
jokozo_fml 0
dump the dumb bitch, the baby's probably a retard
incrapper 7
be happy at least you got to post your comment on FML I've tried 5 times, and all my stories are true. I don't go out on the weekends or anything waiting for them to confirm it!. so f*** it I'm posting my FML on this!!
ijustlaugh 0
this fml makes me lose all hope of a single decent male
Flounder 2
Your terminology ("had the balls") indicates either an imprecise command of the English language or latent misogyny, if your response is indignation about the fact that she would dare deny you sex rather than her ignorance of biology.
mmurry78 4
Grammar Nazi