Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML
Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML
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Top comments
iLazy 0
Blame Mario for spreading the shroom trend
YayorNay 8
More like FYL, her books were trying to eat her face.
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Comments (197)
livk_23 0
haha this is like the funniest damn thing I've heard all day!
OfficeNinja 5
next time tell her the phone is giving her the evil eye. then she will not call the cops.
devwre 0
I worked with a guy once that told me he was on shrooms and almost shot his leg because he hallucinated that it was doing some wavy gravy tentacle shit.
TraceCase_ 19
My boyfriend's best friend did shoot his leg on acid and bled to death before help arrived. He was 18. Debbie Downer story I know, but drugs are bad, mmkay?
bankrupt 15
Thank you No. 49. Even when I was a teen I could not for the life of me understand why anyone would ever do drugs and I still have no insight into that. It just seems to me that when people do drugs only bad things can happen, such as addiction or, as in the case you mentioned, a senseless, self-inflicted fatality. Tragic.
kmckeex32 0
well you are wrong.... that only happens to the stupid people who do drugs... if you aren't a complete idiot it's a great time...
TraceCase_ 19
68, do you know exactly what's in the drugs you take? Do you make them yourself? I don't care how ******* high your IQ is, you're putting a substance in your body with an unknown potency that has the potential to make you lose control of reality. Not to mention, scumbags will cut drugs with all types of nasty shit just to make a buck. Your comment is so naive it scares me.
docscientist 10
It's unfortunate when you can't recognize the difference between reality and an obvious hallucinatory effect.
magentaballoon15 8
68 was probably high when he made that statement
horneyhic 15
well since shrooms arnt cut with anything exept a knife and there a natural growing fungus from the fields of the UK I'd say that ur safe there
amayakitty 0
Why are people carrying loaded guns when they take hallucinogens anyway? Hello Darwin Award winners.
jaaaclyn 0
Only the stupid people who do drugs? So by that you mean everyone who does drugs
vampire1618 5
My friend almost died because of drugs, though he had purposely overdosed on methadone in a (later learned) suicide attempt. He's one of my best friends and he does other drugs (has stopped taking pills) and he just gets really quiet. He doesn't like the really heavy stuff, but what he does do just makes him forget about the types of things that had made him want to do drugs. It really all depends on the person, people react differently. I've been with him when he was doing drugs and beforehand he'd tell me I wasn't allowed to try it, and then we'd have talks about things like Dragon Ball Z and how wrongs it sounds if you just listen to it and not watch it.
error_031 0
I WANA DO DRUGS :D
DeathMaple 3
Someone played too much Mario when they were young.
Reinhard_Xenon 0
I love yur icon. I bet wardens on schrooms!
Athoritaahhh 0
that's pretty hilarious
FlashBurn 13
Lol! That's hilarious! There was a guy I saw on shrooms, he said the walls were breathing... and I freaked him out.
MuffyStJacques 0
Wow, you're an asshole. But, on the other hand, you're only suppose to be around people you trust when you trip. I am only by myself in a trusting environment.
ZE287 0
ah mushrooms and the crazy things they make you do I smashed a cue stick and a piece stuck between my eyes lots of blood... then all liquid looked like blood the rest of the night and the snow looked like a river of blood and that kept me from leaving the house... ah good times
dvdp112 0
that was very amusing you can always call shrooms or the police or you sister or the face eating books a bitch.. lol
JennaMarie420 2
shrooms never did anything like this for me. just makes everything look like it's breathing
elmorous 0
When i did shrooms, Big Bird chase me with a chainsaw. Never thought of calling the cops though.
ImAHomosexual 0
No.