Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML
Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML
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Top comments
iLazy 0
Blame Mario for spreading the shroom trend
YayorNay 8
More like FYL, her books were trying to eat her face.
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Comments (197)
WaylonD 4
What's cool about shooms is you can usually control it, you can trip when you want to, n if you don't, you can shake it off n be normal. I drove about 30 miles on shrooms, then went with a group of ppl, n no one knew.
Xiolopez693 0
She was seeing that world for what it really is, awsome
Xiolopez693 0
She was seeing that world for what it really is, awsome
BeeMaddness 0
that is the funniest thing ever!!!
babygirlc1 5
why was it your job to stop her? you shoulda encouraged the books!
savage408 0
damage should have taken the phone off the hook lol
Tyujhg4545 4
Lolololol Wow.
Calyx_fml 22
It's a good idea to unplug the phone before tripping. Even better, go somewhere without phones or cell reception. Learned from personal experience.
emillio4 0
well at least you didn't have to call and explain that story to the cops. ha
Effeet 0
Haha, this is a bad day for your sister, not you man :P