Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML
Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML
Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML
Today, I saw my sister’s husband kissing another woman in a restaurant. I lost it, flipped their table, and got the cops called on all of us. Turns out they’re poly and she’s their third. Or she was going to be. My sister is now mad at me for “scaring her off”. My bad. FML
Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML
Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML
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Top comments
iLazy 0
Blame Mario for spreading the shroom trend
YayorNay 8
More like FYL, her books were trying to eat her face.
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Comments (197)
bromdaddy 0
This obviously fake but it's still kinda funny
Late_night83 25
was she watching Harry Potter? I'm on shrrrrrroooommms!
thevirusuhope4 0
haha cops are buzzkills I would never call them! I'd just enjoy my life as is and go on ha
butterflycheza 4
Dam you HARRY POTTER and the monster book of monsters
Xmarshall16X 5
HOLY CRAP DID YOU SEE THAT UNICORN!(harold and kumar reference)
sheethapins 13
What??? She didn't recite the words exactly did she? Klato, Verata, Nicto!
santel_fml 8
haha that's hilarious!!
TheRealLori 0
That's just effing funny. Let the police handle her!
chelseaaababyyy 17
ha, this is hilarious but i have no idea why people do drugs. if you cant have a good time without them then you must be pretty boring..
brievlol 3
lol. shrooms.