Today, I had to calm my hallucinating mom after she accidentally overdosed on one of her pills, then spend ages trying to protect her from the "monkey" on the wall. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I began to choke on a large pill while my mom was in the room. Hoping that she would help me, I began to make a lot of noise. After she completely ignored me, I threw my body over a chair, saving my life. At this point my mother asks me to shut up because she can't hear her friend. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
Today, I found my mom throwing my very expensive and important medication down the toilet. She thought I was doing drugs. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, I found out my mom recently stopped taking her medication. I came home to find she'd shot my dog because she thought he was possessed by the devil. FML
Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict, and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML
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Top comments
ArielTheMermaid 17
Tell her to quit monkeying around
arroberts 10
Well, she seems like she's having a good time.
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Comments (91)
arroberts 10
Well, she seems like she's having a good time.
j_cat187 20
A bad trip is never fun.
Arrow44 10
Next time you have a crazed monkey on your wall in your house, text me how fun it is.
then000bster 16
Just let the monkey get we and video tape it for future reference :)
ohgeejosee 19
64, why would you even do that? Its not like she meant to, so why be a complete asshole about it? Ha
tatertot1985 14
Definitely it's a bad trip no reason to be a douche about it
fml121785 14
I'll take two of what she's having... But seriously, when did doctors start prescribing shrooms?!
DDCA 24
I'll have what she's having!
ArielTheMermaid 17
Tell her to quit monkeying around
BitsOBacon 12
Wow, she really went bananas.
The_FN_Gunny 13
Woah guys lets get serious. Remember the evil monkey moved out from Chris Griffins closet we could have a repeated offense here
Zaros_fml 24
Come on, guys, enough with the chimp shots.
icryevrytime 7
She simply went ape shit.
RoseBlack123 37
While that sucks for you, I cannot even imagine what it must've been like for her. You're definitely a great child!
CallMeMcFeelii 14
We all have to help our drugged up moms at some point. Mine accidentally took some of my grandmas anti-anxiety pills, thinking they were ibuprofen. She thought she was flying on our couch. Hell of a story we talked about the next day. Luckily no incidents since, haha.
ffrostay 5
This is where you calmly take the pills away.
mario2012 18
Key word here is "accidentally".
Michael_92 20
Gotta watch out for them ******* monkeys. Once they get an eye on you it's over.
amberlyyyy 15
Especially the ones that throw poo
LindsayxMoore 18
yea those monkeys are pretry mean lol. but really that sucks. sorry op.
RodzillaX 30
I find that they're pretry scary on my part actually.
LindsayxMoore 18
yea some be creppy actually. I wouldnt **** with them. but the small ones are so cute.
RodzillaX 30
They are pretry creppy as well. **** those things.
LindsayxMoore 18
lol aww
Kagulocke 13
I'm disappointed that the pretry good joke is missed by this person.
jw90 18
Is it time to take them away?
Alikia96 20
Obviously the doctors have been switching non-hallucination pills with FML pills
RodzillaX 30
At least she wasn't seeing the flying monkeys from the wizard of oz. Be thankful for that.
Wizardo 34
Either DocBastard gave someone shoddy advice or OP's mum had an unfortunate turd flinging incident when she was younger..
DocBastard 40
Me, give shoddy advice? You offend me, sir. The duel shall be at high noon. Twenty paces and turn.
Wizardo 34
Make sure you have a first aid kit ready sir, knowing us, innocent bystanders shall get hurt. May I know your weapon of choice? Mine shall be Yew and Phoenix feather, 13 and 1/4 inch.
Welshite 40
So you're gonna rip out a chicken's tail feather and stuff it in a twig. I want to be there when you attempt to go all Harry Potter on us.
Shmatterhorn 38
I thought was Perdix's job?