Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML
Today, I found out my sister has been "borrowing" my adult toys and putting them back without washing them well enough. How did I find out? I came back positive for an STI. FML
Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the lock is broken) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML
Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML
Today, my sister-in-law recently spend the night to hangout with my 7 year-old. She kept some of her clothes in his dresser. While doing laundry and sorting out clothes that no longer fit him, I found a pair of her shit-stained underwear shoved in the back of one of the drawers. She's in her 40's and this isn't the first occurrence. FML
Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML
Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML
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Top comments
Intoxicunt 6
A guy with a vibrator and journal? Hmm, whatever floats your boat.
kevind23 0
I'm a guy, have a journal, condoms, and a vibrator in my room. I'm not that messy though.
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Comments (103)
shklee 1
That sucks : P
john_bell 0
It's the thought that counts
TheTruth1428 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm 95% the OP is a guy. Girls keep a diary not a journal, guys are usually the ones responsible for having condoms, and are more often messy then girls and don't clean up as much after themselves. YDI, if you had kept your room neater, then she wouldn't have been in there cleaning it for you.
blue8795 0
I'm 99% sure that the OP is a girl.
kaitlynadele 0
I keep a journal, have condoms in my room, and am ridiculously messy. You fail.
whyohwhyohwhy 0
"guys are the ones responsible for having condoms".....really? That's pretty ****** up dude.
echolot 0
Pretty sure OP is a girl. If you can't get your head round a girl being messy or one is responsible enough to take charge of condoms, you need to get out more.
thousandinone 0
I'm a straight guy, and I have condoms and a vibrator in my room- It's a little bullet, that I use on my girl sometimes. Is that so strange? No journal though.
thousandinone 0
sorry, i typo flaming homosexual all the time, the keys are like right next to each other
Intellectualist 0
Tawn which I assume is short for Tawny, (tawnacious is their username) is a girls name. Guys wouldnt have a vibrator either, surely? Whereas girls may have both. Guys generally don't keep journals either.
Intellectualist 0
tawnacious D links to tenacious D though :( But possibly. I may have to avoid this post at all cost, through fear of catching satanism, or being lured into dancing naked round a campfire... Thanks for the heads up!
Intellectualist 0
Oh lord! I'm scared of your powers wise one!
Intoxicunt 6
Lmao at this little conversation here. :)
Intellectualist 0
Omg, Today I was laughed at by someone in the FML comment's, FML. I'm going to hide and cry. :')
Intoxicunt 6
I wasn't laughing at you in that sense. I was implying the two of you are funny.
Intellectualist 0
We know my child. as between us, we know EVERYTHING.
Intellectualist 0
I think we are actually awesome. Go us!
Intoxicunt 6
I think you're awesome too, my...nonchild. Cookie! Thank you. :)
Intellectualist 0
I love you. Seriously. Intoxicunt, have my babies!
Intoxicunt 6
Ok. We'll splice our eggs together. Wait, you should be the one to get fat and pregnant.
Intellectualist 0
I'm already fat, so the pregnant thing shouldn't be too much of a problem...er, I don't have a pain threshold though, so you can give birth.
Intoxicunt 6
Well...ok. I guess I'll do it. We both get the fun of conception. :)
153rdTrooper 0
...
efynsien 1
Im scared.... This is what the commenting flood protection is for.
FlyingDutchmen60 0
Wow. What did you do to her?
aback 5
Find something nice and helpful to do for her, like call up a guy (or girl) in her class and tell them she really likes them but is too shy to say anything.
kaitlynadele 0
The correct word here is "shrank."
plethora 3
+1
Intellectualist 0
You amuse me. It's a song, google it, it's a rubbish one though. Can't remember who it's by. Flapflapflap. Oh goodness, you're even a brit!
dmhgbz 0
I think this is fake. Don't think it's real.
Intellectualist 0
There is always one. sheesh.
keven501 12
Stfu and just keep your opinions to yourself
Glam_fml 0
Who the hell cares if it's fake or real? Just enjoy the FML. And what exactly is so unbelievable about a person cleaning a siblings room, finding private stuff, and then sharing said stuff with the rest of the family? I am an only child and even I know that siblings do things like that. God, I loathe people that call every FML fake.