Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML
Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML
Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML
Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML
Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML
Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML
Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML
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Top comments
hedgerow 0
that's nasty why would you like that?
FYLDeep 26
Detail what afterbirth smells like on your next status. Try to outdo her.
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Comments (150)
ohthebloodygore 16
No. That statement doesn't go. Times like this, I love my name. You're still an idiot. It's on my profile. :]
Schizomaniac 24
You're both idiots. LAWLZ.
Moe954 0
Easy. "Breast milk smells like shrimp" Your welcome.
aback 5
Breast milk smells like *******. =)
mike3775 39
Thats life on facebook, which is why I barely update it much at all. I really do not understand why anyone would care if something is "liked" or not though on FB, considering its probably mostly people you barely see much of in the real world anyways
Air_Force001 0
that's pathetic that they can't see new life is what life is all about but they like talking bout is shrimp psh
Paula231_fml 0
Win
danisawesome 0
get over it ****** blood is just way more important now get off of facebook and go feed ur newborn
ohthebloodygore 16
Obviously, the comment bug hates me. Adan, soon to be bloody Precious? Aha! Eli, you're an idiot for saying 'LOL' like that, and for saying you're tired of the Grammar Nazis when you used to be one.
Schizomaniac 24
LAWLZ. If you can identify the keywords in your post that will be the basis of my argument, you're a GENIUS.
guidettebby 0
lmao. now we know what people on Facebook are really interested in