Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML
Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML
Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML
Today, my mother posted a video of me giving birth, on Facebook. FML
Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML
Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML
Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML
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Top comments
hedgerow 0
that's nasty why would you like that?
FYLDeep 26
Detail what afterbirth smells like on your next status. Try to outdo her.
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Comments (150)
lonely_heart_89 6
Congratulations on having a baby!! :)
xBIG_Dx 0
i bet your sisters dtf haha syke thats nasty
Isolated 7
the crazier the comments on FB, the more likely your friends would notice it
VickyG17 4
you had a baby and you went on facebook the first day you got home? you are gonna be a kick-ass mother! yay you!
lo1337a 1
Wah wah wah. Grow up, you're a mother now.
TheSofaKing 7
Congrats on the baby. Now it is time to grow up. You have more important things to worry about than how many likes you get on your Facebook page. Since your friends and family liked the smell of your sisters period much more than your baby, your are either a real bitch or your friends and family are royally ****** up. Your sister posts the smell of her menstal blood and 37 of your friends and family "like" that, your friends and family are royally ****** up. You need to raise your child away from these ****** up people.
awwdudethatsux 0
It's facebook calm down.
lickme89 3
That'd just nasty IN MY CLEVELAND VOICE
UpYoursLiar 1
Welcome to Facebook...the new Myspace. Where the average person has almost 200 friends, most all of whom aren't even close to being real friends. Unless you're a complete loser who adds every person you meet you're never going to have a lot of comments/likes to your posts.
UpYoursLiar 1
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authorkid 2
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