Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommates gathered together to tell me that they all took turns spitting in my drinks in the fridge, all because I told on them for smoking pot in the apartment. FML
Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me, "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
_kyleG_ 34
There's a fine line between hospitable and stupid, but your roommate has firmly entrenched themself on the stupid side.
KaylaTackett 18
I think it's time for you to move.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (51)
bigbrown24 17
you should have sent your roommate with them
atlien247 16
I'm not sure I'm saddened more by them expecting to be killed or by them accepting that perceived risk for beer and shelter.
siona 17
That's stepping out the the line don't you think??
nickie_94 18
Your roommate must be in serious need of friends
beeferjay 34
hobo gangbangs are NOT okay!!! I don't care how many pornos there are of that... it is NEVER okay! you tell your roommate to chill tf out with that
Jones87 11
What a nice roommate
SuperMew 22
I would put a lock on your bedroom door and put anything valuable in there. Then tell your roommate the next time those people show up, you will call the police.
prized_loser 17
Are they still homeless?
Kitty_Kat16 16
Wtf who invites homeless guys inside they could've killed you or stollen all your stuff and left you tied up there's being nice then there's being stupid
Distantsoul 8
They sound fun