Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommates gathered together to tell me that they all took turns spitting in my drinks in the fridge, all because I told on them for smoking pot in the apartment. FML
Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me, "So… when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML
Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my roommate's girlfriend's best friend. A few hours later, they had me evicted. FML
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Top comments
_kyleG_ 34
There's a fine line between hospitable and stupid, but your roommate has firmly entrenched themself on the stupid side.
KaylaTackett 18
I think it's time for you to move.
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Comments (51)
shittykittymeow 11
Don't think of yourself as someone with a cold heart. Tell your roommate that you're not willing to support other people's habits and if you don't have the balls to do that get a mini fridge keep your food and booze in there get a lock on your door and on your fridge don't give that key to anyone and keep any of your necessities locked up. Or if you can afford it either move or kick your roommate out. I've semi dealt with the same thing. Just stand your ground. You've got this shit op
shittykittymeow 11
Also make your roommate clean up the mess it isn't your fault that they spewed all over the place. If it were your friends then you'd have to take care of everything but that isn't the case. As I said stand your ground!!!!!!
christinaannxo 8
LOL! Time to move!
GrumpyGrinch 23
Sounds cruel but people are homeless for a reason. Still the homeless were wiser than your roommate: they had some idea that things were wrong, even if you were not actually going to kill them.
siriuslypink178 3
Sounds like one of my ex roommates. His "friends" stole my alcohol and my ipod. I ended up moving out of that apartment and when Spring came he got evicted (in Burlington, VT it is forbidden for Landlords to evict anyone between November 1 and April 1) and sent to a mental hospital and his friends got taken away in handcuffs because they had turned the place into a drug den. Hoping your situation turns out better.
trucha 10
Your roommate smokes crack...you should move.
spaet 1
hahaha bro you ****** up those adjective phrases big time