Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
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Top comments
sarah5745 41
Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?
cameron6731 13
On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.
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Comments (131)
randomcritic 14
If it's so often that they notice you might want to choose a new spot or talk to someone about it if it's as often as every hour etc. (or you want to stop the frequency).
blcksocks 19
I hope you get a grip on your problem and things come out alright for you, OP
Saxicolous 27
You should probably just cum clean
hard_candy 25
good one! made me snicker in my knickers lmao (god that was so bad I'm gonna get down voted)
olpally 33
Both of these comments made me giggle. Hehehe. Lmao :P
ThePaperDragon 31
Your parents didn't try asking you why you were going so often? Strange that they would jump to suspecting diabetes instead of something less serious.
Rkikkas9713 25
No one ever asks any more, it's usually straight to WebMD. He probably has cancer or some form of diabetic cancer, it's always cancer on WebMD
hard_candy 25
my dog is old and recently asks for excessive water intake this past year. my mom thinks she is diabetic.
fmlsams 27
Couldn't you have just fessed up and saved your parents' money?
qdawg06 23
Guessing that means you ********** way too much in a day then...
saymynamess 19
Don't waste the investment , get a gf.
hard_candy 25
holy shit highlight of my week, and yesterday was my birthday!!! FYI, consistent cumming can be painful for you after a while. good thing I got lady parts haha
trey600rr 22
if a jerk session last about as long as it takes to pee you need to work on your stamina!
puppies4life 10
so you Jack off more than once a day? bro you need help