Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to call 911 and explain to the operator that my girlfriend orgasmed so hard that she had a seizure and passed out. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, my dad had a seizure just after taking his anti-seizure medicine and having been seizure-free for two and a half months. Did I mention I was pooping while my poor dad was having this? I ran out with my pants around my ankles, due to my stepmom flipping out, screaming at me to find the phone (which she found). FML
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML
Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML
Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML
Today, I had a seizure for the first time in months. My fiancé went over to my job to let them know I wouldn't be going in. My boss bitched both of us because I didn't call myself. Sure, I'll get right on that when I'm conscious. FML
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Top comments
COOL__Coal 12
I think you may be doing it wrong.
loserboii 11
So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿
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Comments (146)
HelloGuys 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe he thought you were "bleeding" you know where??
KrazieKleo 13
Where?!? Please explain!
JackeeDawn 9
I think it would have been more awkward if our dog would have just stayed there and watched you for a while then decided to bark at your penis.
ricerboy 0
Bleeding? That doesnt even make sense. Why would the dog think he is bleeding?
SilentWind 0
I think 1 is talking about a certain "white" fluid.
geko911 22
I think 1 mistook OP for a girl. Well news flash for all blind folks out there who rush to 1st comment without thinking to even look at the poster's gender, dig yourself a hole and bury ourself in it, the FML community will then be freed from such idiots.
liamresener 3
Last I checked, you don't bleed when you have a seizure. Also, a dog trained to detect seizures would not be able to tell even if OP was bleeding.
MURIKKA 11
22- Why exactly did you put "white" in quotation marks?
Means317 0
So that all the other people would get it
Means317 0
Dog are color blind so they might not recognize the difference between blood and the semen
HelloGuys 4
Ok ill explain wut was goin through my idiotic head at the momment this comment was posted (i read it wrong and i rushed to 1st) nuff said.
Meettitan 14
Can't you have a seizure, then not remember it? You were probably just choking the chicken, but what if you started seizing with your meat in your hands? On a side note: who lets their pets watch them **********?......
motocommradios 6
People with medical conditions that could kill them if they hit their head while seizing ....
Futacy 30
Your dog was in the room while you masturbated? with the door open so that he could run out and get your family? If only there were a third button that said "It's your fault, but FYL."
peachyFML 17
58- But you can click both.
musicluvr2000 11
51- thank you for clearing that up because we would have been extremely confused if you hadn't done so. Note the sarcasm.
Stoopid_life 2
That's just stupid.
UsernameHere234 13
Dogs are color blind to certain colors yes but they still easily tell red I do believe so yes they can differentiate semen and blood unless your urethra or something is bleeding. And some people don't care if their pets see them masturbating because there's nothing wrong with masturbating and some people live in 1 room appt or just don't close doors cuz they live alone.
ballpython 15
Or the fact that blood and semen smell totally different. To a dog it is very noticeable.
iXTMAstro 6
First of all, IT'S A GUY!
Futacy 30
92- i guess, but to me theres a difference between "ydi" and "its your fault".
COOL__Coal 12
I think you may be doing it wrong.
ShannyAK 16
At least your dog knows what hes doing! Its better to have a working than lazy dog
motocommradios 6
Agreed. Better embarrassed than dead. Thats my motto
Lord_Nord 4
Haha yeah!
loserboii 11
So your seizures & masturbations look the relatively similiar I assume¿
MsConfusedd 27
So you typed your ? while doing a handstand I assume¿
SqueakyChipmunk 22
24) *touch*
Krirn 21
30 - Where¿
Psych101 9
32- I believe 30 was referring to 24's profile picture. 30 was saying she was touching the button that says "Do Not Touch."
SqueakyChipmunk 22
37) Thank you.
YourAFailmod 4
Hope you don't have one in public...
gc327072 31
Gangnam style! And that was your random comment of the day.
ebonyirony 29
61- that vid is getting even more famous. A girl in my dorm just showed me and six other people at home know it. Weird. Lol thumb me down but I got really excited. (sexyyy ladiesss....gangnam style) Also, open condom store.
MikeMikeTheAzn 3
It sounds like PSY is saying CUMDUMPSTA the whole time.
ImaSnowman 2
61 Boo!
stormer461 13
Do you ********** with an open door while your parents are in the house? How could the dog get in or out otherwise?
mermaidcentaurs 9
I would assume that there would at least be doggy doors just so at night if he has a seizure the dog has easy access to leave.
stormer461 13
That's what I was thinking after I posted. I would get weirded out anyway if my dog watched me whack it.
Hillaryy789 9
Some people also have a rope attached to the door so the dogs can tug them open.
expendable1 0
Great question,
mikemillzy92 6
Well the dog is probably supposed to be with him at all times. What if he had a seizure with the door closed while the dog was in the other room
Khariau 8
Some doors can just be pushed open also...
senordonkeydildo 22
Service dogs are trained in many tasks. Some of which include opening and closing doors when need be. I supposing that what happened.
pbol9876 6
Good doggy
IscoreOnU 19
Well he is doing his job... Still don't get how the dog got out of the room
COOL__Coal 12
Technically he is not doing his job. His job is to warn when he's having a seizure not masturbating.
geko911 22
And you didn't even stop to think that the dog might be doing his job but that it was OP who was doing it wrong? I've heard that some masturbation sessions can be quite... Moving.
IscoreOnU 19
Watch a real female ******. Then watch a seizure. One might be wayyyy more beautiful but a dog can't tell
Futacy 30
21- some people look like they're having a seizure when they **********.
Teyros 24
Why would he be masturbating with a dog in his room? Show some respect for your best friend :(
Teyros 24
--
youjustmademelol 4
21- really I thought OP was telling about how his dog gave him a lifesaving experience. Thabkyou fo clearing that up though!
FML_Master2133 6
Dude slow down!!
mojogirl 4
When your specially trained dog thinks a seizure and masturbation is the same thing your doing it all wrong
Pentium_4 27
Do it in the bathroom next time while "dropping a deuce" you won't get interrupted that way.
motocommradios 6
Has seizure on toilet, hits head on tub/sink , bleeds out. I'm sure they've thought it out and put a dog door in or something
BBFreak97 6
I agree! We know how it's done;)
OhDearBetrayal 25
I actually found this comment amusing. Imagine if all seizures stopped when you went to the bathroom so that you could do your business and then as soon as you walk out you land on the floor. It would be like a time out zone.
ballpython 15
Brilliant idea. you should market that as an alternative to seizure medication.
OhDearBetrayal 25
110- I was actually talking about how it would be if it was a natural thing.
LifeTrolls 16
*has a seizure in the bathroom...
Dcm210 19
kudos for the dog being that smart.
AlaskaKid95 7
Well it is a service dog...
abcdog123 16
lesson learned: dont ********** infront of the dog.
youjustmademelol 4
The dog constantly follows him, in the shower while sleeping, and is taken everywhere, being without the dog us dangerous, what if you had a seizure when it was not there?
klovely22 13
10 - Here's another lesson: infront is not a word.
nvo 6
Good dog.
I_lost_the_game 25
Unfortunately, 5 beat you both to it.