Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
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Top comments
sarah5745 41
Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?
cameron6731 13
On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.
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Comments (131)
rikkirauha 20
You should have just told them. Everybody knows people do it, it would have been better if you had just got this awkward moment over with instead of causing a big deal out of nothing.
dontworry603 4
Woah bud, you're going to really hurt yourself for the future. If you get your body in the habit of cumming so quick then you'll never be able to last with a lady. You better break this habit soon and train yourself to last instead of running yourself dry day after day.
worldclassrager 41
Step down the amount...or just touch yourself at night when everyone is asleep
goozeo 11
Why would you jerk them around like that?
writerchic85 26
Could have just told them you drank a lot of water that day
connormce10 12
HA. Ok, I'm Diabetic, and yes, you DO pee a lot. There are other symptoms. You lose weight, you feel like shit, and you eat everything in front of you. Also you might die.
Flyndaran 10
I'm diabetic, but never peed any more than normal even before diagnosis. And frequent urination only happens when dangerously mismanaged. Unless OP is morbidly obese, developing it that young is exceptionally rare without other less common risk factors.
kendalbear 16
Even stockbrokers only jack off twice a day. Ask Leonardo DiCaprio.
BrassWing13 11
Then you probably shouldn't jack off so often
ButteredHamster 3
As a Diabetic, this made me giggle. But your parents are not the smartest. Peeing a lot isn't the only symptom. Why wouldn't they think that you are just hydrated?
SmittyJA24 26
Get a girl-friend / ****-buddy. Seriously.