Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML
Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML
Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML
Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML
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Top comments
warlockplayer19 5
Pro Tip : only jack off on days that end in Y
Chinnithy 0
Son, the trick is to not let your mom know. I do it all the time and never get caught!
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Comments (119)
Omnicent 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
lol?
Omnicent 5
But really, explain the situation to your parents. It's not that hard.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Op, latter means the second of the two. Once the typo's fixed my comment is going to get thumbed way down..
smurfsarwales 9
ahaha it's not tht hard get it? cus he wasn't masturbating :)
Drigr 9
was claiming first comment so important you had to put lol then follow it up with an actual comment?
iluvhobos 5
She could hear you over the air conditioner, OP? That's a damn quiet air conditioner...
minecraft_fml 4
The basement should be a few degrees colder.
chrispyy21 0
i yewsualee chowke 1 out 2 featjobs. gimmie lyke 10 xtra pounts uh stikky in muh hand
imustbeinsane 2
46- or that's some really really heavy breathing
HSSN19 8
Or the mom has super ninja ears.
Omnicent 5
39 I don't give two ***** what position my comment is in. I find it pathetic that you wasted a comment just to attempt to call me out something as stupid as a comment on the internet.
MrHughJass 0
93 Umadbro?
ichikibobivopula 0
that's a sexy pic
omg36 7
What's wrong with masturbating? At least she didn't think you're going around ******* random strangers. When I was younger my mom had the talk about how masturbating is better than having sex. It was so awkward but she's right (when you're young)
Chinnithy 0
Son, the trick is to not let your mom know. I do it all the time and never get caught!
Chinnithy 0
got*
miserypoison 13
get*
jewfro311 0
He looks a little too old to be at living with his parents... doesn't he?...Got*
shannon1029 4
haha it's ironic how when you corrected yourself you got 25 thumbs down, then re-corrected and got 25 thumbs up.
laundryninja 1
I iz telling ur mom!!!!
CsDy1395 6
79, that's not irony, that's coincidence.
MrHughJass 0
How old are you? They are talking to you about ************?
xlord 27
the secret is too hold your breath when someone walks past
skaterblue12 0
masturbation
MrHughJass 0
81- I know, it was 5am and i'm on my iPod.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Why does everyone use "I'm on an iPod/iPhone" when they make a spelling mistake? I have an iPhone and it's pretty hard to spell something right and have autocorrect **** up the spelling. It's you, not the phone. Unless you regularly spell it "************" and you just so happened to spell it right then and autocorrect decided to step in with a spelling you use more frequently.
Sacurason 0
Who cares?
babyfireball77 14
Completely agreed 88, also you can turn autocorrect off so that it never changes a word you spelled correctly in the first place.
MrHughJass 0
I dont use autocorrect, so it doesn't show if you spelt it wrong. I find it hard for me to type on my iPod and so yeah, it was my fault. I always spell masturbation 'masturbation' it just so happens I slipped up.
warlockplayer19 5
Pro Tip : only jack off on days that end in Y
IndigoFuckYou 9
"Yesterday"?
MrHughJass 0
"Toda(y)" your pro tip fails.
salvorican 24
Wait?? What about tomorrow?! Guess not
im_bored_tired 12
or wait til everyone is asleep! XD
bsaun2011 0
haha amen to that
daminantion 14
6, you're 13, do you even know what a boner is?
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
lol I wait till everyone is asleep then I watch some **** to help me :p
jasminea 0
40, hello there stalkerr(:
volley4eva1698 0
40, a LOT of 13 year olds know about this stuff
OuchAndGoodfight 5
Idiots, Lol. #6 meant Monda[y], Tuesda[y], Wednesda[y], Thursda[y],.. you get the idea. Central msg: OP fails.
Alexunited1212 2
40 - for some reason your picture look like it is looking over me... creepy.
gmc_blossom 21
40- Once again I find a comment of yours. Do you get some sort of sick pleasure going around commenting on people's ages or something? Because, again, him being 13 doesn't mean he doesn't know what madturbation is. They know more than you, such an old, mature 20 year old, thinks.
Mauskau 36
ask Rebecca black for the days of the week
gmc_blossom 21
*Masturbation.
dirtydancer 0
When I was I'n school basically everyone I'n my class had sex I'n grade 5... *cough* smart ass *cough*
gmc_blossom 21
53- Your comment wins. :D
dirtydancer 0
When I was I'n school basically everyone I'n my class had sex I'n grade 5... *cough* smart ass *cough*
gmc_blossom 21
55- I don't mean 13 year olds have sex. But it is possible for them to **********. And if not, they at least know what it is. They also know what sex is..without necessarily having it, you know?
dirtydancer 0
that was to 40 btw
gmc_blossom 21
59- It looked like it was more to my comment. 0-0 Oh well.
Upyous 0
Nice
Aaronftw 0
do u
tr3vst3r 5
kids watch **** at the age of 10 these days,
jonathanje2 0
what 6 meant was everyday is good to jack off?
TigerNicole 6
I'm lost don't all of them end in y?
MrHughJass 0
Lmao at the people who don't get the joke. I was just being ignorant for the lulz.
elfuin 0
Oh you poor empty headed bimbo... Yes, yes they do.
naya_mariie 0
im thirteen . and im not a virgin . give the kid a break !!
dirtydancer 0
not sorry to say this... me too... I'm 14 now but I wasn't ;) lol
latasianpandas 7
thats the joke.
teentee401 37
Everyday
ribbyc80 0
hopefully he showed you the western grip method!!!
that1kid82 2
Will Farell?
justinemalang5 0
that's money $ (: good one
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
isn't that off of PoT :p
muchagente 5
could he teach you something?
Lalaxwannaxfml 0
Lmfaoo shoulda lefy the door open
daisygril 0
how do you spell later?
unluckiestperson_fml 14
I was waiting for someone to say that
lilmisslovely13 15
what?
im_bored_tired 12
28, in the post before they edited it, it said latter, instead of later
MrHughJass 0
28- The FML said latter instead of later, so the mods fixed it.
rat3dxx 0
lol wow
rat3dxx 0
lol wow