Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
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Top comments
sarah5745 41
Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?
cameron6731 13
On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.
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Comments (131)
ezrajab 22
Horny much?
missa1996 18
Diabetes is extremely serious :/ my dad was rushed to the emergency room a couple weeks ago because his blood sugar went up to 93 (it's a miracle he's still alive.) He's in a medically induced coma at the moment and is unstable. At least your parents care enough to get you checked out before something serious happens. That said, couldn't you have just told your parents the truth instead of wasting everyone's time?
Flyndaran 10
As a diabetic, unless your father is a brittle diabetic, it was his own behavior that caused his present situation. It's not that hard to eat healthy and pay attention. Good thoughts for him though regardless.
NakedandAfraid 14
i thought 93 was normal range....
missa1996 18
No, it's not. Normal is 4-12. We didn't know he was diabetic, he never displayed any symptoms for it. Doctors refused to touch him because he was a cancer survivor To a rare form of cancer. They ****** up. He is type one, so it doesn't matter what his diet was like (even though it was extremely healthy because he can't eat junk).
rebamoo 14
Your dad can still help his situation with diet, even with type 1 diabetes!! Look up "Reverse Diabetes Now" by Dr Neal Barnard. It talks about curing type 2 and making type 1 completely comfortable and manageable with diet, and zero medication. He can also prevent cancer from ever coming back with diet - pretty much the same diet. Watch The Gerson Miracle on Netflix.
MeltedMango 8
I don't think anybody would expect a guy to jerk off that many times in a day to the point where diabetes is suspect. I mean by that point, I imagine it'd be painful.
LiamCD02 12
I don't have any bladder problems, but one time I ate a whole bag of stale crisps which I found outside my friends house (yes I know, very stupid) and I had to go to the toilet every 5 mins
Sandman2015 12
Dear God man just jack it in your own room and quit making your parents think you're sick.
outfielder55 17
You need a girlfriend bud.
rialbybba 19
Wow
zarrganaut 17
So you ********** a lot, huh. Why not just do in when you shower, or in your bedroom?
NakedandAfraid 14
Plot twist: you actually have diabetes.
fmyhardon 16
Your parents arnt stupid (I'll presume). They know exactly what's going on, they are just uncomfortable talking to you about it; so they found this other way to passively let you know that your frequent bathroom trips have not went unnoticed.