Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
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Top comments
sarah5745 41
Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?
cameron6731 13
On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.
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Comments (131)
MonkyTheKitty 6
To all that are saying just fess up imagine putting yourself in his shoes and If your parents asked you do you do it I bet you would probably say no
LegolasPrincess 10
I wouldn't do it while they're home. Its his fault for being so horny all the time.
DaBlacky 31
yes, because one chooses that... :/
ladyg228 15
Lol how many times are you going to the bathroom in 1 day for your parents to make that assumption?
tuxedoandex 28
i relate
ireallylikepasta 12
just do that in your bedroom, with the door locked of course.
Miss_Mandi 29
Peeing a lot is not the only symptom of diabetes -.- Your parents are dense.
ajlopez 18
Not gonna lie, op. If you ********** that much, you seriously need a new hobby.
Tannasgh 22
Then let's hope they don't give you steroids
dirtbikeguy 14
I would have just confessed before going through all that trouble but hey I guess it never hurts to get a check up.
dagarr 11
Good man
sarcasmwins 24
Am I the only one that thought you were gonna say 'because I'm pregnant'.