Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents wouldn't stop making fun of my shy bladder by camping out in front of the bathroom door while I’m trying to pee. As a result, I haven’t peed in 10 hours and my bladder is going to explode. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML
Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
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Top comments
sarah5745 41
Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?
cameron6731 13
On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.
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Comments (131)
LegolasPrincess 10
You could've just admitted to it instead of wasting your parents and the hospitals time.
loveseat14 11
Go do something else seriously. You're disgusting.
Keiraquarium 12
There's nothing disgusting about masturbation. It's healthy and nearly everyone does it. Obviously it can reach a point where it becomes a problem but masturbating in itself, even masturbating a lot, isn't disgusting or wrong
Miss_Mandi 29
I guess the rest of the world is disgusting, too, for doing something completely normal and healthy. He does it too much, so the **** what? Grow up.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Who the **** are you to judge what he does during his alone time? More people ********** than you think, even females.
noahm21 7
I guess you could say this is a sticky situation
RedPillSucks 33
do you still have any skin left on your penis, you wanker
Jenmic 16
Wow what naive parents.
limegreenpoopie 31
Lol find a new place to do it xD
sandraw1 22
Honest mistake
rocksmith 15
Yea. That would be really hard to explain to them
rocksmith 15
I will just show my self the door for the pun
theamazingd 17
YDI. Not because you ********** a lot; that's fine. You are a jerk for not putting your foot down and possibly fessing up, thereby causing your folks to acquire hospital bills. Was it really that awkward that the bills were worth it?
daemonsparta 16
how often do you have to jerk it man? give the poor thing abreak