Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

Motherly love

Today, I overheard my mother saying that if murder were legal, there would be absolutely no chance that I wouldn’t have been killed as a baby. FML

Today, my mom said that if I wasn't her daughter, she probably wouldn't even like me. FML

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

Domestic

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mother, during which she told me she wished she’d thrown herself down the stairs the minute she discovered she was pregnant. I told her, “There's the stairs, help yourself!” She called the police and told them I threatened to push her down the stairs. FML

Chill out

Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML

But mah granbabies!

Today, my mother was guilting my wife and I for freezing embryos as a delay tactic to deny her grandchildren. Fed up, I told her, "Why don't you throw in a 'You'll miss me when I'm dead' to finish this guilt trip?" Now, she's crying and my father wants to murder me. FML

Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML