Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML
Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML
Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML
Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like a gag gift my Dad would give me, even though I'm too much of a wuss to drink. I'll kill myself slowly with cola, thanks.
Dark_Queen 0
My older brother just died because he was hit by a drunk driver. I think it's a thoughtful gift to give someone. It shows they care.
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Comments (99)
stain33319 0
unless you got a DUI on your birthday. this don't even come close to an FML. EAT SHIT !!! DIE!!!
Dark_Queen 0
My older brother just died because he was hit by a drunk driver. I think it's a thoughtful gift to give someone. It shows they care.
Spicynipples 0
shut up bitch
Dynosaur_dollie 38
My eight year old brother was killed by a drunk driver and I have permanent nerve damage from that same collision.. at least your mum is making sure you don't kill someone, or yourself.
Bloodknight 22
Hey, atleast she cares...
boatkicker 5
Or OP might not drink and doesn't appreciate being given a useless gift? I personally would rather get no gift than one that's clearly shows my parents don't know me.
skatagurl 0
this is an FML how?
boatkicker 5
If OP drinks, its not. It just shows OP is a fool. If OP doesn't drink it just shows her parents don't know her.
boatkicker 5
No, but if OP doesn't drink at all, and is over 21, there is usually a specific reason for it (Moral reasons, pregnancy, because they hate hangovers, because they were traumatized as a child by drunk parents, because they are afraid of how stupid they'll act if they're drunk. Because they are allergic to alcohol, because they are determined to prove someone wrong, etc) Which the parents would probably know about if they keep in touch with their kids. Or maybe I just have an unusually close relationship with my parents.
gothic_cat_lady 0
Your mom is awesome. This should be on mlia.
SaintJimmy 0
Your mum doesn't have much faith in you, eh? Mine makes me read all the news stories about idiots who overdoes and die, drive drunk and die, get so upset at something menial that they kill themselves, or get someone pregnant. You've got it okay in my opinion.
4ube_fml 6
this could be usefull :)
Sappheyes 0
YDI for complaining. I'd love that gift! It would be great fun with friends.
Japemead 0
This is exactly what I thought. Made me think of this: http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/date/the_famous_sushi_pants_story.phtml#277