Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML
Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML
Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML
Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like a gag gift my Dad would give me, even though I'm too much of a wuss to drink. I'll kill myself slowly with cola, thanks.
Dark_Queen 0
My older brother just died because he was hit by a drunk driver. I think it's a thoughtful gift to give someone. It shows they care.
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Comments (99)
Wet_Dream 0
great mom! hate it when people drive drunk.
SFMember 0
Wow, really? "**** My Life, I got a birthday present that was a Blood Alcohol Detector. This sucks so much!". How in any way is this a bad thing? I'd buy one of those things for myself just to have fun at parties!
Mangusu 0
What an awesome gift! An awesome mother too! Didn't even know that existed, does it work? The only way I can think of this being a FML is because you're so lame to think drinking is a bad thing.
mannix_fml 0
That is pretty freaking awesome!
TheKitsune 0
You suck at life. There wasn't a single thing worth complaining about in that.
maxv_15 0
QQ more bitch.
paprikacha 9
Hey, at least your mom cares. : )
Dopehead666 21
Dude are you kidding me? That's dope!!
Gandalf_Baggins 4
that is useful, not a FML
Gandalf_Baggins 4
the only way this could be a FML is if your mom got it because she thinks you drink too much