Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML
Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML
Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML
Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like a gag gift my Dad would give me, even though I'm too much of a wuss to drink. I'll kill myself slowly with cola, thanks.
Dark_Queen 0
My older brother just died because he was hit by a drunk driver. I think it's a thoughtful gift to give someone. It shows they care.
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Comments (99)
jonfrmfl 0
First!
jake_the_ripper 0
hows this an FML? U got a birthday present? 0_0
tyhillman 0
Yeah I mean I would love to have one myself lol. Her life definitely doesn't suck.
mohomonopoly 0
That actually sounds like quite the nifty gift.
FarSide 23
its an FML if you got a DUI in the four days the present was late.
ranbeer 0
dude seriously u don't know the magic behind those things. Go the bar and start showing everybody, tell them that you are trying to reach a certain blood alcohol level (aim for .20) and watch everyone buy u shots!
fireandice27 0
Yeah... how IS this an FML?????? I think it's a pretty awesome birthday present
hombrepollo 0
that's awesome cool and helpful. how much did it cost and is it accurate?
22cute 17
Not only is it a great thing to have, it also shows that your mother loves you! She wants to keep you alive but doesn't want to stop you enjoying yourself.
idkweird 0
I don't see the FML. Not only did you GET a birthday present, it's an AWESOME one! Hello, Life of the Party!?
sumdoode123 0
thats what i thought. so awesome.
avoidthegirl 6
I totally agree. You mom may have been late with the present, but that's the best present a mom could ever give you! Freakin' brilliant!
litz2010 0
perhaps OP is saying 4 days late as in she got a DUI 4 days ago?
ChickenTenders 6
i would piss myself laughing if that is the case
lway2009 0
Yes, I don't get it. My mom bought me one of those years ago, but it never worked (then again, I don't drink and drive). But it was the thought that counted....why is this an FML?
Luckster 0
Sounds like a gag gift my Dad would give me, even though I'm too much of a wuss to drink. I'll kill myself slowly with cola, thanks.
_fake_ 0
I don't understand why this is an fml. fMl for taking the time to read this. I think it would be an FML if you were a recovering alcoholic or 52 years old.
lway2009 0
YES. I know much worse potential FMLs that were rejected, and this one made it? I thought that this was a good gift - a reminder to be responsible.
Rota 0
Not an FML, but I saw those little keychain breathalyzers on woot.com a while back. They're awesome, but not all that reliable. It's more of a party gag than anything.
allmidnighteyes 11
Or, she could have given you a bottle of Everclear to make sure you're NOT sober before you drive.
Luckster 0
Option 2 sounds more probable.
perdix 31
I guess if you are at a party and you are too drunk to drive, I'm sure you can find some guy to drive you home. I don't know where you will wake up, but you will have been driven. Maybe more than once.
skatagurl 0
yeah. take a ride
GeneralBE 0
YDI if your not in college you are probably an alcoholic, its not an FML if you're in college you just have a cool mom