Today, my mother sent my birthday present to me four days late. It was a handy keychain blood alcohol detector so I can make sure I'm sober before I drive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML
Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML
Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML
Today, it was my 16th birthday. My surprise was a new car, that is now in the side of the garage because my mom lost control while driving it around front. FML
Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML
Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML
Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like a gag gift my Dad would give me, even though I'm too much of a wuss to drink. I'll kill myself slowly with cola, thanks.
Dark_Queen 0
My older brother just died because he was hit by a drunk driver. I think it's a thoughtful gift to give someone. It shows they care.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (99)
bluerose2 0
TBH, that sounds like a good present! I'd love to have one because I never know how much is too much. However, I don't know anything about you, so maybe it's indeed a bad present.
Phoenix_GAD 0
how the hell is this a bad present? no one is forcing you to use it. She just wants to make sure youre safe. oh, FYL for having caring parents (sarcasm). and its a present. she could have forgotten ur birthday all together. there is no law saying she has to get you something. She loves you. YDI for complaining.
asiln 2
It may be an FML because it was late. Maybe the OP could have used a gift like that on his/her actual birthday.. 21st I'm guessing.
guitardedman 0
cry me a river bitch. i didnt even get a birthday present when i turned 16.. **** off.
flyboy57 0
I would like one of those...for a friend, of course. yeah, for a friend!
perdix 31
It would be an FML if you got a DWI (or DUI) on your birthday and had your present showed up in time, your visit to the hoosgow could have been avoided.
jmeg_fml 0
hey, ya know, that's a pretty good present.
loveyabb 0
That is an awesome gift you ungrateful ****.
JazzProphet 0
I bet that thing will save your life some day! :D (not kidding)
ragsy 7
Are you bitter it was late, or because she called you on being an alkie? If this is your biggest problem your life is far from ******.