Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was being mugged. I started fighting the muggers off, while in reality, my fist smacked my wife in the face. Now she has a black eye, nobody believes my story, and they think I'm a wife beater. FML
Today, a guy hit my car, and I threatened to sue him after he started the conversation rudely. He told me to go ahead, because he doesn’t have any money or a job anyway, then because from his perspective he had nothing else really to lose, he kicked my ass. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML
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Top comments
Marcella1016 32
It sucks the other guy got that injured but it’s his own fault for being a dick. Some people learn the hard way. Hopefully there were cameras somewhere capturing the whole situation and the justice system prevails for you, OP.
alex_jaguara 33
The punk deserved 100% of it.
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Comments (7)
1known 34
Well what you did to him is much worse than what he did to you...
alex_jaguara 33
The punk deserved 100% of it.
Marcella1016 32
It sucks the other guy got that injured but it’s his own fault for being a dick. Some people learn the hard way. Hopefully there were cameras somewhere capturing the whole situation and the justice system prevails for you, OP.
1known 34
I don’t know in your country, but in mine, if you’re attacked, your response has to be proportionate. Here I’m not saying the punk did right but the answer was not at all proportionate.
1known 34
Being a dick doesn’t mean you have to be injured. If justice prevail, both must be punished, but OP more than the other one.
Bogrbon 27
Proportionate response is a thing in the USA too. And unless he was actively threatening your wife at the time, self defense will be a hard sell. Cops did what they were supposed to do, and a jury will have to decide if you slapping that guy through a glass window was justified or criminal.
bleachedraven 14
It must have been one hell of a slap.
Brightside86 31
I'm having a hard time visualizing slapping someone so hard they slice up their face and neck with glass. Hopefully there are witnesses and/or camera footage.
Bogrbon 27
Well he should be arrested too, but generally if you initiate violence in a situation like this, there's a term for that "assault and battery," and the cops were well within their right to arrest you, especially if your assault caused life-altering damage. He should be punished for vandalism, and likely assault for your wife. The fact that he pushed your wife may justify self-defense depending on state law, but you'll have to prove that in the court of law, and sell it to a jury as self defense. My advice: find a good criminal defense attorney.
Slim87R 7
I feel like the physical shove of his wife should be enough cause for self defense. He was protecting his wife from bodily harm at that point. If you do something like that then call the cops after reaping what you sow, then you are top level pussy and deserve all the shame in the world. Downvote me all you want, but you will never change my mind. Punk 100% brought that on himself. He is lucky he got an open hand slap and not a knuckle sandwich after touching someone's wife.
Warp1978 15
Get cctv and witnesses if possible he provoked you and yes you messed him up but how many other people has he done this two and gotten away with it. You're not the bad guy here I would have and have done the same.
DarkAngelsBlade 25
The moment he touched your wife it was defense of a third party. Sue the police department for false arrest if they booked you.
Jeff Boyd 5
Good job.
boonej930 3
shit you should put his assin your trunk ...take him tithe woods and stick him on a tree...and left his ass there .....