Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML
Sharing is caring
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
Old prude
Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML
Today, my mom came into my room to have a heart-to-heart talk. My dildo was sitting on the nightstand. I didn't notice until she told me to make sure the dog didn't get it. FML
Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML
Great chat!
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML
Oh no.
Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Top comments
austincain117 16
I guess having a ***** is a dildont ha get it? no... okay...
emissy 14
I, personally, would not touch someone else's *****
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Comments (213)
TahoeFMler 22
If you're young enough to be living with your mother and she has the right to be in your belongings, you shouldn't have a *****.
Galamond 10
Because young people don't feel sexual desires, right? It's something that magically happens when you turn 18, riiight? I mean, I get disliking the fact that underaged people have sex, because there's a lot of responsibilities involved, which they may or may not have yet, but not masturbating because *you* arbitrarily think it's wrong? I can't see the reasoning, I bet so can't you.
glabberfasted 16
Also, plenty of young adults still live with their parents while attending college. OP could be a legal adult.
hellopastashell 6
If you're not old enough to purchase a sex toy, you're not old enough to be in possession of one. So, your response is arbitrary in itself.
limabeans101029 21
31- Most 18 year olds still live with their parents. And it's not uncommon for people in their 20s to live with their parents. Like 41 said, people of all ages **********. It's natural, and there's nothing wrong with it. 48- There isn't always an age limit on buying sex toys. I had a vibrator when I was 17 and I've turned out fine.
littlekellilee 45
In my city, you can't go into adult stores until you're 18. I'm sure you can buy them other places though.
orbit 22
"Timmy where did you get that!?!?" "The internet"
TahoeFMler 22
Again, if you're in a position that your mother (parent) has the right to go through your shit, you shouldn't have a *****/sex toy. You know your parents well enough to know if something like that is going to freak them out or piss them off. Even if it's normal to live with your parents as an adult, you know your boundaries, limits, or rules. ********** in the shower, or with your fingers. Control yourself until you are able to finance your own private locations. Duh.
stargirl_95 24
You say that as if parents have the right to go snooping through their kids stuff and they don't. Just because you live under someone else's roof doesn't mean that you've lost your right to privacy.
TahoeFMler 22
I look at things in my 1 year old daughters room. If I thought there was a need, I'd log in to her FB, check her phone, and even find/read a journal. It's called parenting. While I wouldn't be thrilled to learn my child felt she needed a *****/vibrator, I don't think I'd actually touch it. Or feel the need to discuss it.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
IF you thought there was a need. Some parents just SNOOP. My parents used to make me keep my phone on the kitchen counter at night "so I couldn't text." I found out later that every night, they took my phone into their bedroom and read every single one of my texts. (They did this from when I was 14-17). For reference, I'm a good kid, never drank alcohol or did drugs, always got good grades. My parents had ZERO reason to go through my phone, they were just nosy. That was a huge breach of trust. Maybe OP's mom was snooping and found the ***** and her kid is actually a legal adult. Beating someone with a sex toy is completely an overreaction in any case.
TahoeFMler 22
16, not 1 year old!!
Zebediabolical 45
Parents don't just have a right to snoop, they have the responsibility. They are responsible for the child's safety until they're 18 or an emancipated minor. In other news, who said it was snooping? Maybe OP left it out. Maybe OP's mom found it while reaching for something else. Maybe it wasn't clean when she did. If I hopped out of the shower for instance, and grabbed a dirty ***** as I reached for a towel, I can honestly see myself getting pretty upset over it. I'm not saying that's the case. There's only like 15 words in this FML. You can extrapolate pretty much whatever you want from that.
mld4657 28
Omg that is to funny I just picture some one getting beat by a ***** lol
nreed32 20
It's about time you learned your ****** and dildon'ts.
Niedermayer_20 12
Filthy, i hope you sanitize it before you use it next!
Posthuman 26
Next time on "Mom Teaches Sex"...
Ethan_Anonymous 28
Don't worry op, she probably has one too
Zebediabolical 45
There is a town near me called *****. And all I can think of is OP being beaten with a town. The best part is they have a festival in the summer called ***** Days and get very upset when sexually open people show up with their insertable toys.
InkedGamer 9
is this real life? lol
chikinscratch00 8
Hella funny
Murkyy 15
That sounds like the start of a bad porno.