Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML
Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML
Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Poisoning your bodies with what? Protein? Sustenance? She doesn't have the right to force you to go vegetarian, OP! I'm guessing your family feels the same. Gang up on her, for lack of a better phrase.
LadyGamble420 6
one of us....one of us! sorry OP, sucks when other peoole impose thier will on other people.
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Comments (58)
vladimirnabokov 15
I was a vegetarian for six months and then I went vegan for almost a year. I was never a real big meat eater, and I thought I could do it. but when my family got together for Christmas and my mom made potato salad and veal, I cracked a little... haha :) but your mom shouldn't force you to eat a certain way! If you want to eat meat, do so!
nevereyes 31
Veganism isn't even healthy......don't let her force you to eat in a way you don't like and isn't healthy.
RElysian 4
Unfortunately you're wrong. I'm a meat eater myself, but vegans also stay healthy in their own ways. Saying that it's not healthy is a myth. Even being an omnivore like I am isn't always healthy unless you get the organic foods which is more expensive.
SaveCowEatCarrot 14
How on earth is being vegetarian not healthy? Do you call a significantly lower risk of obesity and heart disease unhealthy? And no, we are in no way lacking in proteins and iron, anybody who doesn't eat properly can be deficient in anything. See, there are things called lentils and green veg, which are full of protein and iron respectively.
nevereyes 31
Actually theymiss out on over 23 different nutrients that aren't found in sustainable amounts out side of meats and dairies.
CooperRage 13
#113 "Organic" foods means about as much in quality and healthiness as "Angus" beef does. And that's diddly-squat.
2074red2074 6
That is bullshit. The only ones you ever hear about are iron, zinc, calcium, omega-3s, and vitamins A, D, and B12. Iron is only a problem because you need vitamin C with to absorb it properly (broccoli solves this issue), calcium is because of a lot of misinformation (the unnecessarily large daily recommendation, the idea that calcium comes from milk, stuff relating to sodium, etc.), and the others are just because they aren't found in typical veggies. Swiss chard and wheat germ are almost necessities, as well as a vegan B12 supplement. With those, you can account for all essential nutrients.
monnanon 14
pagans and druids would have no truck with vegetarianism. they are more intersted in honouring the kill and using all parts of the animal.
that60steen 5
Does she realize the manure, the fertilizer for the crops, still contains the same kind of toxins?
2074red2074 6
I think she is referring to a spiritual poison.
2074red2074 6
Oh wow, that sucks. How dare your mom tell you not to eat certain things? Who does she think she is, your mother? In other words, stop being a baby. She's feeding you, and has hopefully done enough research into the health aspect to feed you well. Just because it isn't from animals doesn't mean it isn't adequate. There are MMA fighters who could strangle a bull and rip its legs off to cook it, but are vegetarian.
edanielleh 21
not to eat certain things is one deal. not to eat an ENTIRE food group or be punished is way too controlling
interesting33 37
She is feeding them yes. But she sounds like she is going too far and being very controlling and unreasonable. And you shouldn't just do anything someone says just because they are parents.. think about it for yourself.
KingreX32 21
no more Bacon for you.
SaoriKichi 4
I'm trying to work out how Druidism got involved in that. They aren't exactly one big group of vegetarians. In fact I'm not sure veganism fits their lifestyle at all.
blackonblight 33
It doesn't. What little we know of Druidic practices suggests their diet was the same as that of the upper classes, since Druids served as keepers of the law as well as the rites. That means meat would be plentiful. The closest you'll get to New Age diet is that there would be little to no waste, but, really, that's not unique to Druids, simply the way to live given time and place.
Whydoucare24 8
So your husband should have locked the door the whole situation would have been avoided
Nightshade89 2
As a druid, I can honestly say that vegetarianism fits NO WHERE into our beliefs. Still, sucks to be you, I'm gonna enjoy my bacon-wrapped chicken stuffed with chorizo and jalapenos.
kraz8 1
Sucks being a kid sometimes, but at least it's a short time and teaches you how NOT to treat others