Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML
Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML
Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Poisoning your bodies with what? Protein? Sustenance? She doesn't have the right to force you to go vegetarian, OP! I'm guessing your family feels the same. Gang up on her, for lack of a better phrase.
LadyGamble420 6
one of us....one of us! sorry OP, sucks when other peoole impose thier will on other people.
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Comments (58)
imchacon22 19
Most food is genetically modified and grown with chemicals and pesticides so either way you're putting "crap" in your body. But sorry for your bad luck
xpokeloverx 6
I live on a farm and raise/slaughter my own food
imchacon22 19
I said most, not all
CooperRage 13
#69 I know exactly where all my beef comes from as well.
TheDrifter 24
I'd be more worried about the pesticides (if any) you use, the hormone and immunization shots you give the livestock and the genetic modifications done to the crops you plant. Less than 10 percent of garden crops in the USA are non genetically modified, less than 2 percent of corn planted and almost no non gmo soy and canola is grown in the USA. Not to mention if you're buying prepared soy imitation meat products, the soy is chemically altered to give it a flavor and texture more like what it's interesting than the tofu it would naturally render into. As they say, nobody wants to know how the sausage is made.
rikkidi 20
Being a vegetarian isn't that bad though (yes, you can get enough protein and iron and all). It just sucks that she's forcing it on you.
Gho5tk3y 17
Time to ninja-snack on some beef jerky.
mk8833 9
Ouch. That fails.
KimmyCupZ 21
Poisoning yourselves with protiens and iron? I don't get it.
greymatter 2
As a pagan (and druid, at that), I'll say there is no historical or religious basis in forcing vegetarianism in druidry. Indeed, our pantheons include gods of the HUNT. Your mom is no druid, but rather fell prey to a new age cult mentality... which sadly has no shortage of such victims.
SaoriKichi 4
Thank you. Have a wonderful day.
biglow223 6
Your mom is probably swallowing on the side so gets her protein that way
johnpaisley 6
Your a coward giving up meat so fast
simsgirlgem 25
get your mom a book on the Druids so she can learn what can and can't be eaten meat can be eaten
Goblin182 27
You can be vegan and eat healthy. There are other ways to get the nutrients that are in meat. But, you know, bacon.
DippinGrizzly907 27
Bacon Nuff said