Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML
Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML
Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Poisoning your bodies with what? Protein? Sustenance? She doesn't have the right to force you to go vegetarian, OP! I'm guessing your family feels the same. Gang up on her, for lack of a better phrase.
LadyGamble420 6
one of us....one of us! sorry OP, sucks when other peoole impose thier will on other people.
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Comments (58)
suckitstyles 11
But you are..
SamMcPhersonNZ 0
Use it to learn to adapt to your environment.... Not such a bad thing not killing animals for food... Sounds like good karma to me
FrankHotpants 31
Unfortunately the killing of the animals will never end and to me it seems like more of an insult for them to get killed and then be thrown away then at least be used to feed a family.
xpokeloverx 6
Me and my daughter just ate fresh deer that I killed yesterday. You going to cry now?
noir_heart 8
What was the point of saying that? Rude.
Cosmic_Kush 4
Tell her to f*** off. That's what I'd do, she has no right to tell you what you can and cannot eat
noir_heart 8
ORRR she can just tell her mother that she respects her opinion but that means that she expects her mother to respect hers in return, and that she has separate beliefs from her so she won't be continuing the lifestyle her mother was trying to force her into...
buckdharma 38
Go directly to the king for protection. When his royal subject asks, do you want fries with that?, say yes. Not because your king is forcing them on you, but because he allows you to have it your way.
BradTheBrony 19
Oh shit you made me choke on an orange, I found that way funnier than I probably should have.
worldclassrager 41
Maybe show her how much pesticides are put on vegetables that might change things...
KenB99 15
she's from Seattle isn't she? I used to live there, and beieve me, there are more vegetarians, hipsters, and cosplayers there than comicon
monnanon 14
nothing wrong with cosplayers.
BradTheBrony 19
Also, what do vegetarians have to do with Comic Con? Unless you meant that there are more hipsters and vegetarians there than there are cosplayers at Comic Con, or more vegetarians than there are hipsters and cosplayers at Comic Con.
Anubis_81 21
Maybe instead of telling your child not to do it was not the course of action to take. Telling a child not to do something, will just make the wanna do it even more.
TogeBara 12
I hope that you know that TRUE vegetarians have to supplement their diet with protein capsules
TanyaKJC 9
Uh...no? I'm a vegetarian and guess what? No protein capsules. Better yet? Every time I get my blood done, the results are good (Im not in the best shape even before this). I make sure what I eat has what I need. The whole "you can only get protein from meat" is complete bs and a myth. Look up what foods have protein and then say something. No low iron, either. Get educated, please.
kawaiichick 9
Vegetarians are the ones killing off all the necessary veggies for the tasty animals that we eat, sorry but perhaps a harsh reality of skinny models will prove a point to your mom would help.
xpokeloverx 6
I was forced to be a vegetarian until I moved out. I feel your pain OP