Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the Devil tempted her. FML
Today, I came out of my bedroom to find my mom doing yoga in my hallway. Naked. She doesn't seem to think there's any problem with this. It's my house. FML
Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML
Today, while having dinner with my girlfriend's very religious parents, her mother called me a heathen and said she'd convert me one day. She wasn't kidding. FML
Today, my mom told me to do karate with her, and so I said no. Now my mom won't let me do anything until I go do karate with her. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML
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Top comments
myoukei 31
Your mom definitely needs the yoga more than you do OP!
RavesAndWrists 8
Okay, your mom sounds like a ******* crazy person.
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Comments (101)
myoukei 31
Your mom definitely needs the yoga more than you do OP!
ohnowhyme123 15
She needs more than just yoga lol
Snicket 13
She needs a church lol
orbit 22
Tall need Jesus
cakefete2 31
Oh, because she needs to "loosen up". I see what you did there, number one, well played.
acerredrum 23
Ya'll mother ******* need Talos.
incoherentrmblr 22
Are you the long lost sister of The Water Boy Bobby Boucher?...
Kim44_fml 13
Yoga is a religious thing. A lot of people think it's devil worship.
RavesAndWrists 8
Okay, your mom sounds like a ******* crazy person.
MissSatan 16
She sounds like a fanatical ****
NotDarkKnight 27
I think your mom is beyond helping.
iSativa 24
If you'd like to patch up your relationship with your mother, try finding an interest in things that she enjoys.
blubblubbnb 6
that was her try though. this woman is beyond crazy.
RedPillSucks 33
Obviously yoga was not something she enjoyed. I think #4 is spot on, not sure why the down votes
Garrett2818 21
Yea, based on her reaction you should go to church with her. Although it may turn you into a crazy person as well.
HarrisonHarrison 4
I don't understand moms.
unicorn_of_death 8
I don't think you can understand a moom
DoubleDosexo 12
I don't understand how Satan and yoga have anything to do with each other. I think your mother needs medical help, you might want to consider a mental institute or something.
tonyfan00 38
SATAN DOES YOGA!!!!!! HOW ARE YOU UNAWARE OF THIS!!!??!???!!!!??!!! jk
yuzuhere 21
Well, the "downward dog" obviously symbolizes a bow to Satan.
cakefete2 31
How is everything in caps, except the all important "jk"? Yeah, I'm not buying it. You were totally serious and probably went back to edit.
Enslaved 38
My extremely religious "Christian" sister would think the same way. She thinks all other religions are cults that secretly worship satan hidden behind their Buddhist/ Hindu gods. Since yoga is often done as a ritual by those other religions as a "spiritual practice", she would tie it together and say it's all evil. Fanatic! *sigh* there's one in every family!
GentlemanBastard 15
Yeah, some Christian fanatics believe that everything that is not of God is of Satan. Since Yoga came from the far East, with their mystical polytheism, it must be the work of the great deceiver. So ya know, don't stretch or you're going to hell.
RedPillSucks 33
Amusingly enough, Catholics think the Protestant religions are cults too. Found this out when I married into a catholic family and the priest saw "7th Day Adventist" on my birth certificate.
Enslaved 38
Well! There's even conflict within the Protestants church itself, that's why there are so many denominations. I'm not really religious anymore but was indoctrinated young and pretty knowledgable about the subject. It's funny how every church thinks they're the ones that got it right and those others aren't considered "real Christian" in their mind set. Lol
Brandi_Faith 34
Not every church 42, but I get your point. :)
KainMoogle 21
#33 two in mine (for the lion king fans)
Kristen320 21
It's because it's based on the budism religion and they often practice it. Their church created it.
annarcheer 19
feel it in your core
GentlemanBastard 15
Feel the pure evil burning in the core of your soul, you mean.
CobraLazerFace 21
That's where the devil is.
PoisonOrchid 21
I can relate to this all to well. Sorry, OP! Good luck
Earths_Venus 25
It's only satanic if you practice yoga inside a devil's trap...
marcus369 9
Not in a devils trap but in a pentagon because devil traps keeps demons in, you need to start watching supernatural more
Earths_Venus 25
No, you jackass, if it's demonic you want a devil's trap so any demons you summon while doing yoga get stuck inside it. A pentagon isn't going to do anything to trap the demons.
1947Chevy 17
Actually you mean pentacle. Interestingly my own religion uses that and it used to be a Christian symbol similar to the cross but as history went on the meaning changed and it ended up as two different symbols at the same time. A pentacle and a pentagram the pentacle is with the tip of the 5 pointed star pointing up the pentagram is with the tip pointing down. Satanists use the pentagram but they don't use the pentacle normally
1two3four5six 23
even with Supernatural's definitions of the symbols, it still wouldn't make any sense to do anything inside a devil's trap.
quiet_storm09 17
Twisting the body into crazy positions, mumbling incoherently... Yeah sounds like devil related activities to me. Regardless I hope you work things out with your mom
Garrett2818 21
It's stretching not an exorcism and I don't know anyone who mumbles when they do yoga.
quiet_storm09 17
Pardon my failed pun...
acerredrum 23
A joke, not a pun. A pun would be, "You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish."
laden_swallow09 35
Do you even know what a pun is? Or was it really that hard of a fail?