Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML
Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML
Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML
Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML
Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML
Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML
Today, after telling my parents that I want to be a vegetarian, I got grounded. Apparently, "black people can't be vegetarians" and, I'm "crazy for even suggesting something like that." FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Poisoning your bodies with what? Protein? Sustenance? She doesn't have the right to force you to go vegetarian, OP! I'm guessing your family feels the same. Gang up on her, for lack of a better phrase.
LadyGamble420 6
one of us....one of us! sorry OP, sucks when other peoole impose thier will on other people.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (58)
LebronJames23 5
Why is being a vegetarian bad? Factory farms are HORRIBLE! If you don't believe me google it!
iwadasn 33
Being a vegetarian is fine if you CHOOSE to be a vegetarian. It sucks if you're forced into being one when you don't want to be.
thedarkparadox 2
Just get up early one morning and start making breakfast for yourself and everyone in the house: bacon, ham, sausage, eggs, milk..the works. Guarantee everyone else will thank you and defend you.
Vlen_fml 20
poisoning? ha. I respect a choice not to eat animals and animal products, but I will raise you that all of those meat substitutes and alternative protein and calcium sources are gonna make you extremely unhealthy by medical standards, the body needs fat too, fat soluble vitamins and all that.
DevilsAltair 8
Umm…excuse me?what animals that we eat have poison in them?But plants do
06cobaltSSftw 7
I'm a vegetarian and I think this is wrong.
The_Doctor10 7
Stand up for yourself against the evil veggie tyrant of a mother that you have. If she wants to do that fad diet, fine but don't force it on anyone else.
dragonrider1959 18
Female peter griffin
jakeSpn 3
Well the OP said Druid so that means that she thinks she is one with the earth. Even though to become a Druid you have to study a **** ton and also you have to get tattooed by your mentor who is already connected to Gaea