Today, my mom is becoming a Wiccan, at least that’s the lie I told the neighbours when they demanded to know why my mom was smoking weed naked, waving charms around, and dancing amongst our trees. I actually have no idea what she was doing, and when she sobered up, she had no idea why she did it either. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML
Today, my mother bought earrings with marijuana leaves on them to show her love of nature. She won’t believe me when I tell her that it’s a weed leaf, and wants to wear them to work. FML
Today, rather than age gracefully my parents have decided they’re going to be the witch and wizard of our neighbourhood, meaning they grow herbs, redecorated the house atrociously, swapped their clothes for dresses and robes, and smoke questionable tobacco in wooden pipes. God they’re so embarrassing. FML
Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
Today, my mother refuses to acknowledge that I’m married because instead of a church, we got married outdoors in a lovely pagan ceremony (with a real marriage licence from the city council, obviously) and she keeps trying to introduce me to nice, single men from church. FML
Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML
Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML
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Top comments
Maddy Bee 12
sounds like my kind of mom, lol
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Comments (2)
RichardPencil 32
Doesn't "smoking weed" answer the "why" question? They should be demanding she stop or lose weight so it's aesthetically pleasing to watch.
Maddy Bee 12
sounds like my kind of mom, lol