Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML
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Top comments
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
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Comments (163)
perdix 31
Just because your son committed such a wanton act of destruction doesn't mean he hates the whole human race. It's just you ;)
TheLoneWandererX 2
Mmmmmmm embalmed corpse is good for the stomach lining ya know.
Big_Chives 7
Don't be a panzie and let that slide, actually make his life suck, show him who's in charge!
pinkdisco 3
Shoulda probably binned the lamp beforehand, seeing as it wasn't working..
ForeverAloneGal 23
Ooh. He sounds like a badass.
BlesstheSilence 11
Hmm. Sounds like someone needs a good ol' fashioned can of whoop ass!
dharmaxxx 2
why do you own a lava lamp anyways?
cassiebear7652 7
OMG. BIG WORDS.
thiscrazything 1
He deserves either some strong discipline, or a new place to live.
Okayitwasme 0
My lovely sons stole my shampoo from my upstairs private bathroom and took it down to the basement for his bathroom. Of course I didn't realize until I was in the shower and getting ready for work then to top it off he was parked behind me and I had to wake him up to let me out! Which consisted of me running up and down 2 sets of stairs. Both times. My son is 20 and knows better!
goodgood_fml 5
Why complain about a 20 year old? Start charging rent & utilities and they'll leave.
docscientist 10
How does your story compare at all to OP's?
Okayitwasme 0
Love to he has to pay a huge fine for driving without ins and reg. quit 4 different jobs . He drives me nuts! By the way I'm his mom.
Okayitwasme 0
You mean girl right! Not bro!
Okayitwasme 0
He would do stuff like OPs son when he was younger..... Worse!!!! Drove my husbands truck into a swamp 2 xmases ago!! That's where we spent the whole holiday. 2 other large machinery got stuck too! Trying to get him out cops came! It was a mess!!!!!