Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML
Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
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Top comments
boycrazy30007 12
I get being a pyro, but there is no excuse for being an idiot
ILoveEggnog 7
I really hate to say this, but you definitely deserved it.
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Comments (207)
adameeo 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Bad luck bud
mamamiaaa_fml 12
Luck had nothing to do with it. OP's an idiot.
briandunlikelmo 0
only YOU can prevent fires!
IamDre 5
I know. That usually never happens to me.
TheRealPeter 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Nhehehehehe. My whole house burnt down when I did it. But it's ok, Meg cleaned it up.
adameeo 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I pay that
adameeo 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Totally deserved, but sometimes having a little destructive fun you can get a little lucky and maybe cause no fire damage
WaSiSimiLang 8
Lol best observation of the day "paper burns fast" no ******* shit Sherlock. YDI dumbass smh
you_freak 7
Just make sure you don't wet the bed
Lanceeden 12
Who isn't intrigued by fire?
katt_is_here 24
Maybe fire is like magic to someone from Kentucky. Just in case you are wondering, sticking a fork in the outlet can shock you, showering with a blow dryer is a bad idea, and don't eat the packets that come with stereo equipment. Oh wait...do all those things. We need to get rid of stupid people not preserve them. We don't want them to breed.
nalia18 8
Ok soooo you havent met smokey yet have you???
ILoveEggnog 7
I really hate to say this, but you definitely deserved it.
iam_yummylicious 12
Why do you hate to say it? I will glefully admit that I think this guy is a moron and the he deserves it.
Mister_Triangle 21
I voted for both; he deserves it for being reckless, but it sucks that the was betrayed by the fire he thought was his friend.
QuisMysterium 4
There's a reason paper is used as kindling or tinder.
thatssomeBS 9
OP is a chick. Just saying. There are a few that just assume some dumbass pyro must be a guy. My turnons: A sense of humor, a nice rack, a girl that enjoys fire as much as me, short walks on the beach followed by long $*%#s on the beach. Turnoffs: Idiots (including people that almost start their house on fire), and uglies.
iamaleccarlson 0
Pyrooo
Nosrebor 8
69 You must be your own turn off.
amanda_say_whutt 9
69- I'm pretty sure nobody cares what your turnson and turnoffs are. Just saying.
tjv3 10
OP you are an idiot PLEASE never NEVER ever breed
iam_yummylicious 12
Gleefully * - Wow, no one has pointed out my typo? Wow, just wow. Haha.
BossBorne 1
Only someone from Kentucky.. Hey people from Kentucky don't admit to stupid shit you deserve!????
maz255 10
69 this is isnt a dating site, stop telling everyone your turn ons 'cause no one cares.
your_impressive 9
dumb.ass.
ajmacrae 5
Not surprised this fml is from Kentucky.
AlaskaKid95 7
Damn, you took the words right out of my mouth.
stuth186 7
Must of been while he was kissing you
cBlackout 13
Because Kentucky is clearly home of all pyromaniacs. What does kentucky have to do with anything?
Mister_Triangle 21
Yeah, I'm not sure what Kentucky ever did to bring about your wrath. Last time checked, they never raced burning horses
claudio117 12
Yet hehe
HappyPanda2016 14
I live in Kentucky & I don't randomly light shit on fire..
amanda_say_whutt 9
Kentucky is actually a very nice place to live, despite the stereotypes of Kentucky being full of hillbillies.
thomas9753 0
I'm not surprised it's an American!
sefie21 1
Im from Kentucky, I like it here :)
cBlackout 13
I'm not surprised you're trolling like an ignorant douchebag!
random_ribbons 15
How on earth did you think that would be a good idea?
cosmosis 12
Thinking played no part in this whatsoever by the looks... Op is a deadset moron
boycrazy30007 12
I get being a pyro, but there is no excuse for being an idiot
robc32ca 4
Win!
minisquid 9
Pyro Life Cycle 1. Learn to light matches or lighters 2. Almost kill yourself 3. Learn respect of fire 4. Move to Norfolk and join the locals in fire worship.
stuth186 7
Do 3rd degree burns intrigue you too?
twilight_lupus 13
The possibility of being homeless due to her house burning down must also intrigue her.
booklover428 19
Pyro.....
Mister_Triangle 21
You day that like it's a bad thing; who else is going to spy-check around the sentries?
RussianFox 13
Say*
maz255 10
Sandwhich...
danik2212 0
How couldn't you see that one coming...
amoscore 5
I wish there was an FML That no one Opts for Your Life Sucks.
KyuuketsukiApple 30
I wish there were comments Without Awkward Random capitalisation.
blackwidowtaco 31
Capitalization*
PurpleChica9 0
maybe you shouldn't do that next time...