Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML
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Top comments
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
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Comments (163)
Breezy4sheezy 2
Chop him in the throat and ouch him in the stomach.
BIGASSTITS 12
Another person failed at parenting. You should have your child taken away. Thanks for reading.
THE_A_TEEN 28
The kid hating the human race is an example of bad parenting?
acrilan 0
Uhhhh kick his ass outa there and not post it on fml oh and put the smell onna napkin make him pass out when he wakes up beat him with the air freshner and kill him with the broken glass of the lava lamp!
OCDC 9
Wow I feel like I just read the next big novel. Please continue, I like it so far :)
heath_v 8
wtf
Honda288 2
I love your wording of this FML. As for you destructive little bastard of a son; I may suggest smashing what's left of that lava lamp over his head. That will give you a few hours of peace.
mick3446 15
Your are educated beyond your intelligence...stop being a bitch and embrace your son.
THE_A_TEEN 28
"Your are"? You got bored with using "your" as a placement for "you're" so you decided to use "your are"? What a whole new level of stupidity...
foreveriowa 16
yeah... so how do you know what freshly embalmed corpse smells like in the first place?
ThecomingofTan 9
You should bottle that smell and sell it as a Cologne or Perfume, I would buy it off of you. Those Orphans downtown are starting to figure out what Chloroform smells like. Help a brotha out, dawg.
KatieKupcake4195 9
Excuse me, but what is wrong with your son? O_o