Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML
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Top comments
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
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Comments (163)
flockz 20
light him on fire.
RadPenny 6
Ok Casey Anthony.
deviable 9
Tempting, but sadly illegal.
bizarre_ftw 22
All the fun stuff's illegal *hangs head*
SoSickWithIt 14
Should've let him wear his dress to school.
Pelreskovich 11
Good thing you aren't the woman a few FMLs ago, that smell would get her off. Discipline your son if he's so unruly.
DracoSpirita 21
I agree with the first part of the comment, lol. Also, OP's life sucks.
Pelreskovich 11
Discipline works.. I still cringe/cower when my grandmother takes out a wooden spoon when I'm there for holidays etc..
mrshaffer 2
#25 = pussy
THE_A_TEEN 28
Hey moron, otherwise known as mrshaffer, that's called discipline. Something you're clearly lacking. Bend over for a spanking with a paddle, "MAH BOI"!!!
bizarre_ftw 22
25 - that's not a Good thing!! Nor does it help your argument!
emba_fml 13
There's nothing wrong with spanking. People will cry abuse at anything these days tho.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Uh, wrong, 72.
Pelreskovich 11
mrshaffer: you are oh so tough, I'm cringing from your Internet toughness because I'm such a "pussy". Good look winning women over using that word, disrespectful punk.
alival 12
Hmm that's a very interesting combination.
RadPenny 6
I honestly love-uh I mean ew, gross.
Farfalo 3
Shoot his laptop and post it on Facebook.
alexup24 13
on an open field with a cowboy hat, that's how you know ***** gonna happen.
TheLoneWandererX 2
You, kind sir, are now crowned The King Of Internet Memes!
Edenbeam 19
And how exactly would you know what a freshly embalmed corpse smells like?
RadPenny 6
I love how your avatar's philosoraptor.
isis_morrigan 18
Well, at least it's an embalmed corpse as opposed to not, does tend to smell a bit nicer
Swiftly 0
You don't like the smell of embalmed corpse? What is WRONG with you?
qwertsarecool122 23
Well, maybe she's trained in The FBI.. you never know
kshafer08 7
Sounds like you described the smell of my grandparents house.
jaff23 11
Corpse? Did you kill your son?