Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML
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Top comments
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
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Comments (163)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
DeboDaGreat 3
I love that smell in the morning!
mrmakefunofu 5
Its probably because you were too busy looking in the thesaurus to be a good parent, stupid face works just as well!
SephoraGypsy 15
YDI for owning a lava lamp.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Smells even better, friend.
ActionManly 11
OP talks very dramatically.
wisese 0
Yeah, because being educated and having a standard lexicon is a bad thing.
RadioOctopus 16
I don't understand what 46 is saying. Why would he be looking in a thesaurus? What does that have to do with his son rebelling?
nic7973 23
what a champion little kid!
TinyEMT 6
117- He's saying that because apparently since OP uses "big words," that means he's using a thesaurus. What he failed to realize, however, is that some people have a vocabulary that possesses words longer than five letters.
efemel94 7
Sounds like Stephen fry
TheNewGuy03 29
I would have sworn that a "thesaurus" was a dinosaur. Boy, am I surprised! (Do people have to criticize others who use words that indicate that they have an education beyond that of a grammar school student?) |the kid|
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
rattusrattus 19
It's like starbucks for zombies!
punchline_fml 5
Or a mobster bakery
buck33 14
I know I love the scent. I ran out earlier I need to buy some more.
Insomniasenemy 6
Can never get enough of that smell!!
TheNewGuy03 29
People are always talking about the spice of life. The spice of death finally gets an honorable mention. |the kid|
xXwolflegionXx 8
Damn kick his dumbass out of your house. He cant treat you like that.
ihasbrains 10
Damn, kick his dumb ass out of your house. He can't treat you like that. Sorry, couldn't resist the irony.
mnmolino 14
I wondering he is single, lol
Starv 6
her son... why how does it matter if he's single?
BeccaHugs 17
What if her son is 9 or 10? What then, dumbass? Still gonna stick your kid to the curb?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Why would a 10 year old be a misanthrope (person who hates the human race) and malcontent (likes to rebel)?
fuzz97 23
I wondering you are an idiot, lol
BeccaHugs 17
#105 I wondering you speak English.
downtime 13
3, She raised him and therefore bears the responsibility for his behaviour. If she wanted a well behaved son it would have required more effort on her part, or the realisation that kids can be a pain in the ass.
Osito2011 9
No soup for him!
IceCreamMage 17
Just show him the back of your hand.
Sybarite_fml 5
Very descriptive, and FYL
JohnBoyFsYL 10
Any FML with the phrase "misanthropic malcontent" is win.
thisisafunnyname 12
So many big words
yahoowizard 16
At least OP has a chance for a hobby of creative writing. And also, beat that child. Simple enough.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That's a good combo, it should be a perfume.
Lizzy500 16
Simple solution: switch rooms.
benmec 18
Excellent idea!
kelissa_fml 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Make him sleep in your room OP!
YoYoNegro 0
Mine smells like that too after my friend tried to do the cinnamon challenge...
yetanotherginger 19
I put YDI just for putting "misanthropic malcontent" just to sound more mature. In all seriousness, you haven't said what he was rebelling against. For all we know you could have just told him that you will be taking all his wages from his job, or you're selling all his property on ebay, or any number of other unreasonable actions. rebellion doesnt have to mean it isn't justified.
LiveLaughFML 10
Don't look at it as a negative situation. This FML may expand your vocabulary :^D
Shrike 24
Anyone else think #7 is using a misanthropic malcontent's argument to try to sound more mature?
THE_A_TEEN 28
#7, You putting "YDI" because OP used really big words you don't understand means you should go back to school. Luckly, A_TEEN's gulag of torture...I..I-I-I I mean A_TEEN's happy fun education center for adults is open. Join now for free education. :)
bizarre_ftw 22
Don't worry about your faux pas sir, I doubt 7 knows what gulag means.
Almighty_Chris97 6
Man you should know big words like me.... What do those words mean again?
BeccaHugs 17
#7 do us all a favor and shut the **** up. Selling property? Really? Just stop talking.
MiddleThumb 0
7- Good argument, but I doubt that's the situation... 66- a gulag is a Russian POW camp and isn't a hard word to know, the fact that you consider it a challenge, or an accomplishment to know tells me that you yourself don't have a very broad vocabulary and should probably stop talking.
Ninjasaurus18 9
You see #7, some of us have a vocabulary larger than eighth grade, and are able to read. It's called comprehension, and I presume you'll learn about it when you get halfway through elementary school. By 'rebelling' she probably meant he just wanted to boycott parenting in general. It's ridiculous what teenagers do to fit in.
Goatinsfriend 8
Thats febreeze's new smell: the new cinnamon & corpse!
alexup24 13
I'd buy that.
Namesuhate11 0
Pshyco child...You might want to fix that.
bizarre_ftw 22
Genius!!! Now the next part is crucial! Ready?! *rubs hands together* : How?!
Furrywhiplash 14
Maybe he isn't being himself because he is hungry. Give him a Snickers, that should fix the child... If that doesn't work, put a shock collar on him and shock him when he does something naughty. Over time he will learn to behave.
TheNewGuy03 29
Yeah, that "pshyco" child is "defiantly" "wierd." It should be a law. If there is a word you use a terrible lot, then you are obligated to know how to spell it. |the kid|
bluevayero 42
Didnt you think what she might have done to invoke such a terrible vengeance??????