Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML
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Top comments
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
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Comments (163)
friedbunnies 9
Ydi for having a lava lamp.
THE_A_TEEN 28
I'm pretty sure that lava lamp didn't turn the son into a misanthropic, malcontent person. Also, **** you. Lava Lamps are a classic.!
wittygirl 8
Sounds like your kid needs a good ol'fashion ass whooping.
melisa_hope 9
misanthropic malcontent really I think you just wanted to use your words for your word of the day calendar.
jonriise18 3
I hate the way this is written. And NO! I am not an idiot, I do have a diverse vocabulary, I did go to college and yes, I do understand the entire FML.
Artinyyk 5
I still dislike the way this has been written. But, I imagine its because I dislike using malcontent as a noun. It makes such a perfect adjective in my mind. Why would you not want to use it thus? Also it's hardly a twisted act of rebellion to smash an air freshener and a broken lava lamp. Perhaps expanding to explain why he did the act would aid in invoking my sympathies for you. As for right now, your writing style gives me an impression of an uptight mother who cannot even stop having to impress others on a site so laid back as to have a hint of "****" in its name. Perhaps relaxing and channelling your son's angers towards something else would be a good way of avoiding rebellious situations. As the site suggests you posted this in India, perhaps pointing out the horrible humanitarian situation there or worker exploitation would help to channel his rebellious nature into something more productive. Such as the abolition of both these things.
eli_weli 0
Definitely the most well-written FML ever.
cybermolly10 7
Why were you hanging on to a broken lava lamp in the first place?
Skimbap 0
my son smashed an air freshener and turned on a lava lamp, SOMEONE HELP ME!!
specialneeds 0
Cool
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Why was your son so unhappy to begin with? And how old is he? Regardless of his age though, he deserves to be punished for such an asinine act of rebellion.