Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML
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Top comments
desireev 18
Cinnamon and corpse! Aaah! The wonderful scent! My favorite! :)
datoismyname 22
Sounds lovely.
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Comments (163)
crepuscular 3
That's what you get for having kids.
ElitePvP 0
so sexxyy
chelseacret 0
thesaurus.com ftw.
griffin1617 3
After reading your post I think your son is trying to escape your sense of drama. I suppose it never occurred to you bright children take things apart to see how they work. Go to your dr and get Xanax if you can't cope.
yellananner 1
I can smell it already...smells delicious
psychaddict 0
I'd buy a candle of that...
zebrapattern 6
procreation x_x
Ninjasaurus18 9
-applauds slowly and deliberately- I love how you worded that. This is in my favorites.
rougeter 2
Beat his little ass and make him clean that stuff with just his hands, kids these says need more discipline
BeautifulMine 16
cause when I'm feeling really rebellious i turn on lava lamps too