Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
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Top comments
Ambient25 25
Just think, another few years and he'll progress to cutting your brake line....
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Unless your brother is like, 2, your parents need a serious reality check on life...
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Comments (109)
oj101 33
I'm going to go out on a limb here (no pun intended) and ask what led him to doing that. Few children are truly born evil, so OP must have done something to upset his little brother. If not, then I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you OP.
StzaCrack666 18
what pun?
Mr_Satan 11
Many children (if not most) ARE born evil. It's like a disease, and good parenting is the cure.
interesting33 37
It was probably a childish joke of the brother - I doubt he was genuinely trying to kill OP. It was wrong and I would have yelled at him too - but I don't think the brother wants to murder his sibling..
Lycoris_fml 13
My oldest is allergic to peanuts/nuts. I'd be flipping out if anyone gave him peanuts, especially a family member. It's a matter of life and death.Your parents suck, OP.
Ceruleanst 5
I don't usually go in for evo-psych, but I have to wonder why most people's reaction to learning someone has a food allergy is to casually try to murder them like nobody will mind.
jollyton 10
I agree
SMHsohard 22
It's because some people don't believe that food allergies are that serious, and that those who say they are allergic are either over reacting or just being drama queens.
nightbirdblue 27
Perhaps they just want to see what happens? Curiosity doesn't just kill cats. Dexter's Lab has taught us that.
Smeelover27 15
I tried to make a pun, but I'm nut very good at making them.
NiZZALooNY 9
Your parents are assholes for that
ckcortez 10
That's a sticky situation, and your parents are nutty.
CRC_101 31
As long he's not slipping it to you when you're not looking, you're overreacting. Obviously he's annoying and at least somewhat bratty, but your brother is not required to get you a birthday present. Be mature about it, ignore his bratty behavior, and enjoy your birthday without a thought to him. Yelling is not necessary.
TVKill3r 15
I'm guessing you missed the part where he said he was "deathly allergic". That means he could die from exposure in case you forgot how to use a brain.
redbunnyfoofoo 3
Did you even read this FML? OP wasn't complaining about a shitty present because she wants something better. She could have died from it.
simsgirlgem 25
either you misread the thing or you stopped at where she said she got the jar but she said she's allergic this little bastard of a brother might as well shot her
MissCharlotte_fml 26
Yelling is ******* nessasary. You may have missed the part where OP said she is deathly allergic. Even smelling, touching, or being near peanuts can give someone an allergic reaction. I was in the hospital for 3 days when someone tried to feed me a pistacchio. My doctor said that if I had swallowed it, I might have died. Also, it would be better if someone shot me because they can remove a bullet. So please spare us a stupid comment next time and read the FML.
DocBastard 40
With all due respect to Pleonasm, Pendatik was doing the multi-pun comments loooong ago in the early days.
slacker_69 6
my brother does the same thing. he knows I'm allergic to grass and he always throws it at me FYL
mimikinsz01 6
That's too cruel.