Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
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Top comments
Ambient25 25
Just think, another few years and he'll progress to cutting your brake line....
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Unless your brother is like, 2, your parents need a serious reality check on life...
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Comments (109)
vladimirnabokov 15
I'm so thankful my brother isn't a psychopath. I'm severely allergic to latex and my friends have thrown gloves and open condoms at me before :( Allergies are shitty and so is your brother. I'm sorry this happened on your birthday.
anni1999 7
Awwww that's sooo mean u could if died
Omnomnymous 10
I would wreck him if I were you OP. Maybe not then and there, but when he least expects it.
Lehk 9
put a hot dog pile in his bed while he's sleeping
Xyph8 1
buy **** magazene. Put it under his mattress and tell your parents....problem solved (depending on his age)
simsgirlgem 25
yeah shame it'll be awkward if OP's Brother is like eight XD
OverBlossomed 22
This site really emphasizes how much family sucks. Glad I'll eventually be able to have minimal contact with mine.
SpamPam 18
I'm so sorry OP my parents and little brother were the same way. I got in trouble for his crap all the time. After my parents divorced and he lived with my dad, he finally got some humanity smacked into him and we are like the best of friends. My childhood was hell though, my thoughts go out to you
blackvyper 8
Excellent parents you have! You should be nicer to your brother and have a Baby Ruth.
babipie109 7
U mad bro? :-D
Rawr_18 2
Sounds like my family