Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. While I was trying to change into tight jeans, which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled, "It's the Mommy Show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML
Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML
Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
Today, when I came home, my daughter's baby-sitter was busy smelling my thongs. FML
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Top comments
Peachy2392 26
Shouting "tail" isn't the worst thing she could say.
igive 29
And when she's fourteen, this will serve as an embarassing story.
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Comments (154)
alycion 39
This was do preventable. Never tell a kid not to do something like that because their curiosity is going to get the better of them and they will try the first chance they get. And I don't know how many fmls could be avoided by using a simple door lock. You can get them cheap at hardware stores. Really, I promise.
G_bear24 9
Hopefully she wont remember this story or else she will be scarred for life!
Lemonmonger 4
You should know never to tell a child something they don't know about. Telling them makes them want to do it.
doodlecloud 27
Just explain the truth to her...it's just a penis. She doesn't have to know about puberty and sex and babies and everything but there's nothing wrong with knowing that men have penises. It's not exactly something you can keep secret for much longer than 2 anyway. Life was bound to spoil it eventually.
GigaPudding_fml 24
I agree, it's not such a big deal. It's what you make it.
imagineapc 11
Completely agreed. Men have a penis, women have a ******. Teach her anatomy. Op completely deserves this.
blackychan63 12
A good idea, except that she's two. she won't have a clue, nor shall she remember what they're talking about.
Norvi 26
I knew the difference between boys and girls and penis and ****** at age 3. Just found it embarrassing that my mom kept notes on my commentary and bought it up at my 21st.
laurenasabutton 26
76, assuming she knows what arms, legs and other body parts are, I'm sure she can manage to remember the names of genitals.
cryssycakesx3 23
Lol kindergarten cop
SuperMew 22
Norvi, I have had many an argument with my mother over her need to share embarrassing stories from my childhood. Always seemed really passive aggressive and rude to me. On another note, my 3 year old cousin knows the diff between male and females, can explain it well enough with her limited vocabulary, and has no freak outs or problems knowing this. She asked, we explained it to her, and she does not point at people and announce they have vaginas and dicks. Op is at fault for trying to shelter her child in the wrong ways.
Teyros 24
Hopefully she'll just forget after a while? Or just tell her not to say that if she wants ice cream.
paintedsunflower 3
this funny no questions about it. . just lock doors when you're dressing
Dt33345 13
When she gets a boyfriend, ask her if she has seen his tail.
Cazz91 21
After reading this FML, I began to wonder: "Heads or tails?" Which one would be worse between the two for a 2 year old to shout out and point at peoples crotches in public? FYL indeed OP. Perhaps a hilarious memory to re tell your child when they are old enough. :P
buckdharma 38
She's 180 degrees off.
sarfarazssk 1
imagine the horror if he were "wagging his tail"