Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
olpally 33
What a crazy bf you have... That's not funny at all that's just flat out stupid and dangerous... Fyl op, how unfortunate, just be glad you only voided your bowels instead of being road kill...
G0odgrief 0
tell your boyfriend that putting you in a terrifying and extremely dangerous situation is not ******* funny.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (136)
JuggaloForLif3 0
Wel he deserved it for being a dick. I don't feel bad for the boyfriend. And he shouldn't of gotten mad bc it was his fault anyways..
Yourheadache 19
good thing you were not wearing a brazilian bikini and flies buzzing you butt while in the motorcycle.
j_cat187 20
Imagine ******** yourself in a Brazilian? Not bad enough?
Candice0687 0
That sucks for you, he has no one to blame but himself he could of killed the both of you if he didn't care about his life he should of at least cared for yours.
mikeymayhem_87 15
Ummm wow..... Can't really decide whether you deserve it or not.... But regardless.... Your BF sounds like a douche for pulling a stunt like that. Sorry OP!
javierb88 3
that's a shitty situation
FukUrDreamz 0
Wait u shit ur pants...? Were u pushing..? Was it like diarrhea..? I mean who ***** there pants...? But ur bf is an asshole for playing like that tho...but u shit ur pants tho...?!? Lmao..eh **** ur life...well that's what ur bf was thinking weaving thru traffic like that on a bike...
Lizzy500 16
"scare the shit out of you" is an expression for a reason
beastiness 14
Am I the only one who feels bad for OPs boyfriend, I mean everything seems less safe when you are not in controll of the vehicle and Have to trust the driver to know what their doing. This could have been OPs first ride on a bike and he was just driven like usual, fhl cause now he has to clean your shit off his bike
DocBastard 40
Yes, you're about the only one who feels sorry for the idiot who weaved through traffic with his girlfriend on the back.
chels1994 11
Trusting the driver has little to do with this, though. It may not necessarily be the boyfriend who crashes or hits something. Many cars still have larger blind spots, and if OP's boyfriend is swerving all over the place someone may run into him and still cause an accident that could have been easily avoided.
linkinpark98 24
How did he think that was funny? He could've hurt someone!
rcgirl2 11
If this guy was my bf and he was putting MY life on the line by doing something this stupid, then I wouldn't be with him anymore.
tonygar 17
You don't need to ride with him anymore, it's bad enough that he has a death wish, but he has no right to cause you to die also