Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
What a crazy bf you have... That's not funny at all that's just flat out stupid and dangerous... Fyl op, how unfortunate, just be glad you only voided your bowels instead of being road kill...
G0odgrief 0
tell your boyfriend that putting you in a terrifying and extremely dangerous situation is not ******* funny.
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Comments (136)
TheyCallMeDamien 18
He has no right to be angry. It's his own damn fault.
unidentifieduser 23
It's okay, I'd shit my pants too.
Senseless_487 29
Sigh...it's all ***** and giggles til someone giggles and *****.
jengers115 10
that's pretty shitty.
grace12898 0
I guess that means you crapped your pants?
PYLrulz 17
I say it's time for a new boyfriend
Gondile 4
I say it's time for a new seat.
downtime 13
I can understand why you'd be pissed at him, and I can understand why he would be pissed at you... F both your lives.
DocBastard 40
At the risk of getting thumbed down into the bowels of hell, I dare say you deserve it for getting on the back of the motorcycle. The only thing more dangerous than being on a motorcycle is being on the back of it with a maniac at the helm.
MsSoulReaper 27
I want to agree because she should know about her boyfriend's driving skills but then again she might have asked him to not drive like a crazy person. FHerLife for ******** her pants though.
Yourheadache 19
i agree doc. btw the story behind your profile pic its very sad.
lostfaithinpppl 19
Doc, I completely agree. So many silly young girls think motorcycles are "cool" and "exciting" and don't think through the risks of getting on one. While it's the rider's fault for riding like a maniac, it is her fault for getting on the back without fully knowing what her boyfriend's riding's like. Both my boyfriend and I ride motorcycles. I know he is a good rider but I have never gotten on the back of his (or anyone else's) bike because I feel more comfortable being in charge of the bike myself. Unfortunately, some (and I have to say, mostly girls) don't understand all the risks involved when getting on the back of someone's bike. They think it's all fun and games until after they get scared or hurt. I have friends who have told me stories of girls jumping on the back of their bikes while they are stopped at a stop light/sign (yeah, complete strangers). People need to think things through before acting.
AmbrosiaWriter 17
I would agree with you if I had more information. It could be that she's ridden with him plenty of times before and all those times he was a completely safe and sane driver, and this was the ONE time he decided to be an asshat. So just on that, I'm going to say not agreeing with you - but I didn't thumb you down, it's a legit opinion.
Grayfoxx 5
Motorcycles are not dangerous at all the only thing that could make them dangerous is the rider!
gooduck 6
Shoulda just went with it. Coulda said u thought it would be funny to shit urself on his bike
toalysium 15
Doc, there's nothing inherently dangerous about being on a motorcycle, no more so than driving a car or flying an airplane. The safety is generally a factor of operator skill and common sense. Douchebag kids (I'm assuming) like this guy feed that negative perception.
DocBastard 40
No, douchebag trauma surgeons like me fuel that perception. Well, that and hard statistics. For example, motorcyclists are about 30x more likely to have a fatal crash compared to people in a car. Still think they aren't "inherently dangerous"? The only people who believe that are the ones stupidly blind enough to get on the cursed contraptions.
kurofuchs 5
Actually cars give you some barriers between you and another car and crumple upon impact to lessen damage to the motorist. They also have airbags and seat-belts. I'm sorry but I really must disagree with your argument. Have a good day anyway though.
PYLrulz 17
Though I will say some of the people that get killed on motorcycles are due to asshats in cars who think they command the road.
R3TROxLOV3 32
57- may I just ask why half of your responses are so hostile? 52 didn't sit there and say "shut the **** up you douchebag you're wrong" or really anything that would border on rude. So I don't really understand why you felt you needed to call him a douchebag. I've noticed this with a lot of your responses to people who disagree with you, but it never really occurred to me until now to question your behavior... *sigh* okay, bring on the thumbs down and people who blindly agree with everything you say.