Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
What a crazy bf you have... That's not funny at all that's just flat out stupid and dangerous... Fyl op, how unfortunate, just be glad you only voided your bowels instead of being road kill...
G0odgrief 0
tell your boyfriend that putting you in a terrifying and extremely dangerous situation is not ******* funny.
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Comments (136)
ImStillWinning 5
Hi(:
ImStillWinning 5
Text me sometime ? 917 328 2126 :P
ImStillWinning 5
Your cute :x Hmu Sometime ?:P
chinagirl3343 8
I hope you dumped him. How terrible to do that to someone he could've killed you! That's not love!
big_fat_apple 1
Your boyfriend put you in a dangerous situation you should dump his ass
TheSuperSpicer 6
Well, you married the asshole.
Late_night83 25
I don't know why everyone keeps saying boyfriend, it was her husband, **** him for scaring the Shit out of u and getting mad about it, payback is a bitch.
jasonman66 7
Does that mean you shit your pants?
emuexport 4
Haha, Oh well, Might have been worse if his mood changed to extremely aroused !!!
fantasyworld 39
Your husband is ******* crazy.