Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML
Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
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Top comments
PsychoMerk 0
what.the.****?
InsidiousChild 0
no, no u's havn't.
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Comments (249)
PsychoMerk 0
what.the.****?
bravesfan112233 0
what a jerk
littlemissFYL 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
well if he said that, he obviously had a reason to. you were probably tipsy and drinking the night away. you're going to be a married woman soon, bro, I hope you're not going to do that when you have children too. YDI.
InsidiousChild 0
I agree 34
largefoofighter 0
I'm not even mad that's amazing
ashtin85 0
leave him while you can.!
iloveboyswittats 10
So being married means you can't drink anymore? That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The hangover sucks but sometimes it's fun to let loose. Not the end of the world
prince122 0
ahaha that's so funny.
littlemissFYL 5
77, no one said you can't drink while you're married, but if the girl spent her day in a toilet, that means she was drinking excessively. and you shouldn't be doing that if youre married, engaged or have children because when you're under the influence of alcohol things doesn't always end up pretty =)
The_Weirdo 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Your husband has a great sense of humor. that's what you get for drinking. YDI
aardvarkish 17
59, I concur. For those who marked 59 down. I take it you don't know how abusive relationships progress.
tnlander 20
I drink because I'm married.
fatgirllovesfml 0
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
dantheman1988 0
mature successful people dont waste their time getting drunk. if you need to be drunk in order to have a good time maybe you need some new friends or something.
kcwill 0
^#123.
xx000o 27
I agree, sounds like he is severely lacking in both brains and class.
Gross2332 0
that's some mighty husband you have their good luck
OhSoBueno 0
from the one that looks like rebecca black lol
vietmanx 10
#1 beat him up for her, since u r such a badass and play contact sports.
a_nutritionist 10
@167 then they go well together dont they?
usbaby24 3
lol i shouldve done that to my bf when he used to drink that badly that sounds like something stewie would do to lois
charlotte100 2
drinking and being married have nothing to do with each other. it's her choice.
sofie2401 0
your stupid
emblondie 7
Exactly what I said
TBfml15 9
59 get out.
deadlydeadd 2
hahaha
sterlingarcher 1
mwahahaha ydi for drinking so much u vomit!
hypnotiq_trini 0
lmao he's amazing. YDI for drinking like an idiot.
xoxospontaneousx_fml 0
I think puking all day was a good enough punishment, she didn't deserve to get her head shoved in a toilet too.
BayBeezy 0
girl gotta learn a lesson, he said it!
zombiekitten87 12
what the...
HeavyMetalViking 0
****? Hell? Fish? Come on, don't leave us all in suspense!
leader0011 5
win^
KJLD5 0
what the BROWN . ohh kootra ilu
krushr 3
Well, it probably will. You should still punish him though.
soccerguy2 11
Think of it this way: he is just trying to help you not get sick.
narrowords 18
Right... She could easily get the stomach flu or worse if any of that toilet water got into her mouth... Is the OP's fiance a twelve-year-old boy? Kick his judgmental ass.
soccerguy2 11
I dont think toilet water is any different than regular water until you "put" stuff in it. I could be wrong though.
alliewillie 22
yes you are wrong. unless you were to clean your toilet every time you use it you have particles of feces and urine still in it and YES that can make you ill. do you drink out of your toilet when you're out of bottled water?
sourgirl101 29
My toilets are always super clean but I would never put my face where asses go. I'd rather throw up outside or even in my garbage disposal. Toilet water always slashes up. I'd get even sicker than I already am if that happened.
bbbruin37 0
^^ lol at 0 out of 69 fmls posted XD
Elenachka 0
every time you flush the toilet, you send airborne shit/piss particles flying throughout quite a range of air, including into your face, toothbrush, etc. your body has probably already produced antibodies to fend prevent most viruses carried. I'm guessing MOST of whatever has been in there has been in her body already, via ingestion or from husband's contact. voila! immunity for life :) (bleach toilet after company?)
Elenachka 0
let's remove that extra fend there
Mr_Darkside 5
well did you learn your lesson???
jayalexander 7
dude he was totally wasted, who does that?
jayalexander 7
then dudet.... I think
cjc0690 0
hahaha I would've done the same!
alyssa1695 4
I hope u learned your lesson
RainbowHeadache 2
You'll probably never learn.
el_chinito 6
can I have your number
el_chinito 6
sorry I was just messing around
RainbowHeadache 2
I don't even know what you posted since it's moderated, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have appreciated it.
el_chinito 6
I asked for your number. when I wrote it it was funny. I'm bored at work. no disrespect intended.
RainbowHeadache 2
None taken.