Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML
Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to rid me of my hiccups. As he'd screamed at me and I'd pissed my pants, I just burst into tears. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
olpally 33
What a crazy bf you have... That's not funny at all that's just flat out stupid and dangerous... Fyl op, how unfortunate, just be glad you only voided your bowels instead of being road kill...
G0odgrief 0
tell your boyfriend that putting you in a terrifying and extremely dangerous situation is not ******* funny.
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Comments (136)
kerrwoof 13
Looks like you weren't figuratively speaking when you told him he scared the crap out of you.
rubberduckie94 13
Served him right. Sounds like the time my brother decided to go 120 with me riding with him. Motorcycles are great, but some people are morons.
xtalondriver 14
Nice pic
myersch 2
ur bf is funny
RadPenny 6
Sarcasm?
demonmonkey 13
No. Dead serious.
DoneBeenShrunk 0
YOU'RE a dick
myersch 2
not really
teentee401 37
It's her husband
ashl123 19
Somebody's trying to sound smart "voided my bowels". Fancy. I would have gone with pooed myself
G0odgrief 0
does 'voided' even make sense in that context? I would have said evacuated my bowels
KiddNYC1O 22
Such noobs, you two.
nofearjenshere 12
n00bs*
G0odgrief 0
I am indeed.
Xalandra 17
Wow what an asshat! Sorry OP, maybe it's a good thing this happened so he won't go risking his life and yours again just because he thinks it's funny. He shouldn't have done it in the first place but maybe now he's learned his lesson.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Awl, that's the fun part about a motorcycle. It's a little dangerous unless you have the right idea what you're doing. But I'n not dumb enough to do that with a passenger.
peachesncreem 21
And what about the other motorists on the road? Did you think about them? It's all fun and laughs until you or someone else are seriously injured.
rubberduckie94 13
If your not being sarcastic we will soon be receiving your post from the hospital or maybe the doc doing your autopsy will submit a final fml for you.
LuckyTroll 6
Ah you where idiots that almost hit me
LuckyTroll 6
Lol I see what you did, very clever
picturescrazy 24
What an asshole. Risking your life for a laugh and getting pissed at you when he found out he literally scared the shit out of you? Why are you with him, OP? He sounds awful.
MeghanQuinn 3
Idiots these days.