Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML
Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML
Today, as I was driving home from work, a bird decided to commit suicide by flying in front of my car. The shock caused me to slam on the brakes, totaling three other cars in the process. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, as I was talking to my girlfriend about how I need to find another job to be able to afford school next fall, I hit a deer causing about $3,000 in damages to my car. FML
Today, at 4:30 a.m., I hit a deer on the freeway on my way to work. I've only had this car for 6 months and it's totaled. I had to wait hours for a tow. On his way to pick me up, my husband's radiator blew and his serpentine belt shredded. I also missed a day of work. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML
Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Beckleyy 15
What a ******* idiot...
grahambertus 11
What a flocking idiot
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
HaniahAhmad 0
FYL. But your dumb ass husband deserves it.
agm77 9
Make the birds pay for it. They're the ones that broke it!
ProhibitionRose 14
37- what do you suggest they pay with? Feathers? Eggs?
DocBastard 40
Ah, the old formulaic "____ thought it would be funny to ____" FML. Always an instant YDI, dumbass.
DocBastard 40
...for the husband, that is. *facepalm*
perdix 31
I don't see why you have to pay for it. You ought to slip one of those paralyzing anesthetics in his food, and when he's become completely immobile, grab his head between your thighs and fart in his mouth.
False_Stupidity 42
Damn good idea, and nice reference to another FML :)
pagullarka 9
I hope he feels guilty for hitting those birds
paradiseisland01 0
Tell him he should pay for the car! And then when it does , drop him for being a prick , for breaking your car
SirSquishyPants 1
What are you? 14, Jesus, divorce him because he hit some birds in her car? I hope to god you don't get married, or reproduce you ******* idiot.
Cenobyte 10
No, SirSquishyPants, what are you? I suppose you also think that it was a funny prank to play on those poor birds. I guess killing animals for fun is your thing too, right. Well, you may not realize it, but cruelty to animals Is Not Funny. And a person who would do that would would be just as spiteful to a spouse or child. I would divorce him immediately. Actually I would never marry someone like that.
agm77 9
If that's what they want. I was being sarcastic.
ChrisTheCalm 9
I think these FMLs are fake... C'mon.. They always post things about their spouse doing something really retarded, and it starts by "today, my husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/fiancé thought it would be funny...." and the things they do?? They do incredibly stupid things that nobody with a functioning brain would do. Maybe they had autism or something cuz no way a normal human being would do things including this. And read other FML's that start like that and think if whatever the idiot did, can it be possible. Btw the answer is no.
phonefromhell 0
and how old is your husband? 5?
Ameel_fml 19
Even at 5, I knew that trying to hurt animals was a dick move. :(