Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I tried to be helpful at a family dinner and offered to carve the roast. The knife slipped, the serving tray tipped. My uncle caught it with his bare hand like a movie hero. Everyone praised him for dinner-saving reflexes while I quietly sat down. FML
Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
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Top comments
grahambertus 11
"wanna know how I got these scars?"
HondaKidd 5
Buahaha! Derp
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Comments (168)
n530411351 9
Guido Win
HondaKidd 5
Buahaha! Derp
Discombobulated9 12
Prime example of natural selection?
Telescope 1
You had enough time to catch it but not move your foot? Nice.
Cad6 24
#11 Get your own comment.
Discombobulated9 12
I'm sorry if my reply annoyed you, but I think a lot of people are guilty for replying to the first comment. My reply was generally still on topic :/
DocBastard 40
Discombobulated - your comment is a prime example of thread jacking and attention whoring. It isn't "on topic" one bit.
SkoomaKi 28
Dare I challenge DocBastard? Of course! He was defiantly on topic. He was probably referring to how natural selection is not always best as this FML shows.
DocBastard 40
He was DEFINITELY (not defiantly) off-topic on the comment to which he replied. If you want to make a new comment related to the FML, then start a new thread rather than threadjacking the first comment just to get near the top. That's attention whoring and nothing more.
SkoomaKi 28
Well played sir, well played.
wironandine 8
Bahaha tool. Derp is a 90s word. Why do you talk like everyone else you robot?
Cinny90 7
DocBastard He was replying to #1 calling OP a derp. He suggested that it was natural selection that only derps get in stupid accidents like this. Hence, he was on topic. Don't try to act like a smartass. It's not very attractive.
GirlYouNasty 11
#108 Did you just insult DocBastard? Uh-oh...
Awes0meperson 10
107 - Actually, derp has become pretty popular now. I learned it this year. You need to get out more…
Cinny90 7
#115 I'm not trying to insult anyone. I'm just stating the obvious.
LightningCactus 12
This is why people don't fist bump, just look what happened to Snooki.
effffyourlife_ 0
135 , that just made my year.
Scarshadow101 6
You may need to go back to Common Sense 101. FYL for ruining an amazing ninja moment.
sweetliferg 3
Haha! Lucky u!
UsernameUnknown 7
KONY 2012
tellithowitis 13
That was such terrible sarcasm.
Cad6 24
You mean terrible "Scarcasm" ;)
tellithowitis 13
Ha I just used that pun a couple comments down...
sweetliferg 3
Wow.... People these days can't take a joke
tellithowitis 13
Oh we do, just not tragic jokes like the one you just said....
tellithowitis 13
Oh we do, just not tragic jokes like the one you just said....
failgamer 7
Have you ever heard or seen a stereotype for mentally ill people when they cup their hand and smack the part of the chest over their heart? Well you did that with a knife to your face
TheDrifter 24
Might not be a good idea to tell op that, they might try it with the knife still in hand.
failgamer 7
You are probably right, not sure why people would thumb down this comment though
bryanorange 3
Meh I don't think 4 was all that funny, or funny at all. I have a mentally ill brother but he never does that. Asshole
R3TROxLOV3 32
I agree with 81, number 4's comment was incredibly insensitive.
failgamer 7
Notice how i said stereotype dumbass, quit hating on sarcastic joke comments, it isnt there to offend
DeviousAngel 13
How does this happen...
br0ccoli 15
Thats what i thought. That's some seriously hardcore fist pumping! "Let us fist pump...to the death!...this is Sparta!!!"
ComTlancy 12
I blame Jersey Shore
nofearjenshere 12
Who in their right mind fist pumps with a knife in their hand in the first place? lol. That's just asking for a trip to the ER.
DeviousAngel 13
I suppose I shouldn't be one to judge, I did step on a knife. Yes. Stepped on it.
grahambertus 11
"wanna know how I got these scars?"
tellithowitis 13
Scarcasm!!!!
grahambertus 11
No, Im just a joker.
tellithowitis 13
Shut down
yaoifreak 8
OMGOSH I freaking love the joker I'm now watching dark night and I'm going to watch it again just because of this comment?
WLCD123 0
"No,but I Know how you got these!"
Cinny90 7
#93 That's just sad...
sexaybitch 14
#67, why is your nose the profile pic?
mandadarling 10
Face Chopping Like Champs
BornToFlyThenDie 0
I think you mean. "Like a boss."
TomHarrow 5
I think she means "Face Chopping Like Champs".
DontModMeDammit 10
*quack...quack*..........*boom!*
angrymexican 8
OP is a meat head.
cetlawizard 15
What's next? Running with scissors?
rattusrattus 19
Tying a cloth round your neck and jumping off tables and chairs?
Heinousness 0
Reading FMLs/books/tabloids/ something else even though your in a dangerous place( I know someone like that)
ChrisTheCalm 9
45- why do people always have to have 'FML' as an example of their idiotic jokes?..
toenibbler 14
For future reference I suggest you put the knife down first before proceeding into you manic victory dance.
toenibbler 14
*your
Mental1942 6
Just sayin
YourAFailmod 4
Sounds like a personal problem to me.
FMLandurstoo 9
Well that's why they posted it on fml dumbass.