Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, my wife decided to check her email, while I was still inside her. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML
Today, I checked my husband's phone, as mine was dead. When I opened it, I saw a text conversation with his friend. He recently said, "Man you just gotta ignore your wife more. I stopped paying so much attention to mine and next thing I knew she was all over me, it's awesome." FML
Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML
Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML
Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML
Today, my wife called to me from across the house just to look at the penis-shaped period bloodstain on the back of her underwear. FML
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Top comments
Lost Reggie 22
Multitasking and still letting you hit it. You're a lucky man and deserve her.
core01 30
Men setup a society where men's pleasure is the only important aspect of sex and then you're all pissed when we don't act fking **** star level engaged.
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Comments (3)
core01 30
Men setup a society where men's pleasure is the only important aspect of sex and then you're all pissed when we don't act fking **** star level engaged.
Lost Reggie 22
Multitasking and still letting you hit it. You're a lucky man and deserve her.
GoogieWithers 25
Respectfully, I believe that only you thought it was your best performance.